Authentic Journeys

10 American English Idioms Commonly Used at Work

2012-02-07T23:37:00.004+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Sufi Swarup

This list of idioms is derived from the second segment of the television show Undercover Boss where Chiquita Corporation is highlighted.

Go Into Battle
Some may also say ‘This office is a battle zone.’ People use this when they are confronted with a new job, a series of familiar tasks that are overwhelming, or parts of a task that are challenging in some way or the other. Generally, Americans use this phrase to build up excitement over difficult or undesirable jobs as well. The spirit is ‘Yes, the job is hard, but we will not only meet the expectations but, we will exceed them. We will win.”

Make you sweat
Again, this is not meant to be taken literally. Though we may actually sweat when we are under pressure or ‘in the battle zone’, this idiom implies that there is a stress factor involved in the tasks that lay ahead of us. They will make us think or challenge us. But, again we shouldn’t shy away from them just because they are hard.

Keep an eye on it
This implies that we have to watch something carefully. In this episode, the undercover boss had to carefully watch machinery and products to make sure they were not being wasted.

Leave it to the professionals
At one point, CEO Manuel was overwhelmed and wasting the food because he was not managing the process efficiently. The boss there (Magic was his name) told him “Let’s leave it to the professionals.” This idiom implies two things. The first meaning is to allow those who are better trained with more experience do the job. The other meaning has a sarcastic and condescending tone. The implied meaning is “You are not doing this job up to the mark. We don’t have patience with you. We will allow those better than you to take over.” If an employee hears this, as an American, he or she may feel sad, offended, or inept.

Write up
A ‘write up’ is something an employee avoids. When an employee does bad work, is not performing up to expectations, breaks the rules, has problems with other employees, or has a bad attitude, the manager can ‘write him up’. This is a permanent written complaint put in the employee’s file that explains why he or she was misbehaving on the job. Employees want to avoid being written up. In some companies, there is a rule that a particular number of write ups can lead to suspension or loss of job (fired) depending on the situations for which one is written up.

Take your break
No, no one is breaking anything! A break is a short time away from the normal duties of work when an employee can chat with others, have something to eat or drink, and relax a few minutes. Breaks are a predetermined amount of time and may vary depending on rules or convenience (may be 10 minutes). Taking prolonged and frequent breaks may be a cause for a write up.

Cooped Up
Magic tells CEO Manuel people like to “take their break” outside because they feel all “cooped up” inside the factory. Feeling “cooped up” implies being confined to a small space doing the same job over and over again. I think this idiom is derived from ‘chicken coops’ or small cages in which chicken are kept. Employees feel caged like a ‘chicken in a chicken coop’ hence, are ‘cooped up.’

Letting people go
This is a euphemism for firing someone.

Watch your attitude.
This idiom will be told to a person with a bad attitude. “Watching your attitude” is nothing more than “controlling your behavior” and not showing frustration or negativity.

Built for an office job
Because CEO Manuel couldn’t do factory work, Magic said he was ‘built for an office job.” Being “built for” something means “suited for” something. Or, in another way, we can say based on that person’s skill and personality, he will perform better in another role.

As a post script, I watched this episode of Undercover Boss on BBC World in India. There were subtitles in English at the bottom. Two of these idioms must have been misunderstood by the writers of the captions as they were misspelled on the screen. ‘Take a break’ was spelled as ‘take a brake’ (which due to the misspelling makes no sense here) and ‘write up’ was spelled as ‘right up’ (again, this makes no sense in the written form).

There were a few more lessons from this segment of Undercover Boss that I’d like to share. I will post those in next week’s installment.

Jennifer Kumar, author is a cross-cultural coach helping Indians understand communication and workplace culture in America. Check out her program for expat workers planning to work in the USA entitled Living and Working in the USA. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Prepare to Study in the USA - Cross-Cultural Lessons

2012-02-06T14:44:00.005+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar

When we get ready to study abroad, we think of the practical things to check off the list. Often we forget that we are moving to another culture, not just another country.

I have put together a series of online tutorials to expose you to the mindset, culture, academic requirements, college social life, on campus resources and much more. These tutorials will provide an overview of helpful resources to ease your adjustment so you can achieve your highest potential inside and outside the classroom. (This will also help you minimize culture shock.)

These tutorials include conversation, videos from various colleges, and reflection questions to help you start thinking of things differently. Take full advantage of the opportunity to start questioning, exploring and challenging your world now. It's a valuable cultural mindset preparation for what's to come when you step foot on the US campus.

The tutorials will answer some of the frequently asked questions about studying in the US from a cross-cultural perspective:

Jennifer Kumar, Brijesh Nair and Deepa Madathil are co-creators of the Study Abroad to the US program entitled "Chasing the American Dream: From Take off To Landing." Contact Jennifer Kumar to answer your questions at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Photo credit: Ralph & Jenny at flickr
Like · · Share · Delete

Write a comment...

Three Mistakes Non-Indian Women Make In Marrying Indian Men

2012-02-03T13:27:00.004+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Kristy Robinson

Through the last fifteen years of being involved in the Indian community and interacting with many non-Indian, Western,and white women who struggle with relationships and commitments with their Indian boyfriends, I share the top three mistakes that most of these women make while trying to overcome the challenges of acceptance from their Indian boyfriend or to-be's family.

Mistake #1 - Thinking Love Can Conquer All
Because of the American cultural value of ‘equality,’ many Americans hold a high ideal that regardless of social standing, culture, economic status, educational background and religion, love will overcome all these problems or differences and make everything ‘ok.’ This can be true if and only if the couple have extensive discussions before marriage about expectations after marriage and into the long term, such as both partners’ career aspirations, family planning, traditions, values, choosing the place to live among many other variables. Of course, not everything can be breached ahead of time. Situations do change after marriage and through time. But, to avoid or deny particular situations out of fear of not finding common ground ahead of time is one of the biggest problems that later causes broken marriages both in cross cultural marriages and non-cross-cultural marriages.

Mistaking Love for Commitment
To many Westerners, the statement “I love you” often stands for a long-term commitment. That is one reason why many American programs broach the hard choices people make and situations that arise when one partner says “I love you” and the other isn’t ready to say it yet.

This being said, when most American [women] hear the words “I love you,” they take this very seriously. Due to mistake number one, she believes the man will do anything and everything in his power to create a long term commitment which will sooner than later evolve into marriage.

The problem is that in many Indian families, many may still believe love comes after marriage. This is of course due to the arranged marriage which is still very common among many segments of society and even Non-Resident Indians (NRIs). Thinking of this from the point of view of the Indian’s relationship with you, keep in mind he may hold back physical and emotional forms of affection as well as verbal confirmations of love. This is not because he doesn’t love you. In fact, many Indian guys who really do love you will withhold this out of respect for you and wanting to reserve these special occasions for after tying the knot. The problem here is that, in many Indian’s minds, they may not commit to any of these forms of affection until their parents have given the go-ahead. His relationship with you in this case, is not separate from his relationship with his family in that way. When his family accepts you; you are now family, so in his mind he is more willing to be open and available to you.

Giving Up Everything – Even Their Very Identity for “Love”
Due to the upsurge of the Internet, the incidence of cross-cultural love affairs takes place without the two people ever interacting face to face (in person as compared to Skype, which is not the same). In some cases, the first time the non-Indian meets the Indian to-be face to face is during her trip to India to marry and move into the extended family. The irony in all this is that this set-up is very similar to an arranged marriage minus the family pairing you up. You as the girl are acting as the super-traditional Indian girl who gives up everything; including her family, place of home, independence and identity to marry and move to India. Ironically, as the incidence of Western women taking part in this behavior increases, Indian man’s desire to marry the Westerner may increase as more and more modern Indian women are not interested in being so confined and traditional. Ironic that a Westerner is willing to be more traditional than an Indian (who is stereotyped as more traditional), isn’t it?

Because the Western woman is wrapped up in the exotic that is India; the traditional culture with the perceived higher sense of family values due to living in an extended family, and the idea of love conquering all, she is blinded by the reality that is about to hit her like a pile of bricks. The honeymoon in many of these cases never begins or ends before the marriage takes place. There is no honeymoon because the culture shock, reality and gravity of the situation hits the woman sometimes as soon as the heat hits her face as she deboards the plane.

Tying Things Up
Many say “The first year of marriage is the hardest.” This is often said among Americans who marry other Americans – not in a typical cross-cultural relationship. Yes, the first year of marriage can be the hardest even when the mindsets, environment and communication challenges seem very similar. Compound this with moving to another county; one not yet experienced or barely experienced, with moving into a family situation that is far from being anything remotely close to what you’re used to and even dealing with communication challenges, society’s impression toward women (losing freedom in the American sense) and the other multitude of differences that will be obvious and subtle, and the first year of marriage becomes the most difficult year of your life.

As a side note: this post is not meant to discourage you from attempting a cross-cultural marriage; it’s meant to knock some sense into you in the bluntest sense. Life will NOT be easy, the romanticism and exoticism will die fast and love may not conquer all when you land up in India and are in the midst of culture shock and your new family doesn’t approach life the same way as you. In these cases, women begin to lose themselves, feel misunderstood and become bitter toward their new family and life in general. This, coupled with the fact that culture shock is cyclical and it will bombard you throughout your life in a cross-cultural marriage, such decisions to marry and move abroad with minimal knowledge only hurt you in the long run. I am here to help you and your to-be sort all these things out. Contact me, Jennifer Kumar at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Photo in this article used by permission by Kristy Robinson.

Related Articles:
Marrying Cross-Culturally is More than a Cross-Cultural Experience
Mother in Law or Monster in Law? An Exercise in Self-Improvement
What it's Like to Live in Another Country

Helping Orient Newcomers to the USA and American English - Thank You!

2012-02-01T14:12:00.003+05:30

Back in November, I posted a “Wall of Thanks.” In this “Wall of Thanks,” I showed appreciation to those who have helped me over the past year or two.

After posting this, I contacted those on the wall to ask them to send me a short bio of their current work to share here on the Authentic Journeys blog.

I have received bios from U in the USA and Rachel’s English, which I am posting below.

U in the USA – Bio
U in the USA believes everything it does is to help international students discover, see and experience what inspires them so that they all can live out their dreams.

The way we assist international students is by creating services that help in them the following ways:
• Discover and articulate their personal missions.
• Discover hidden resources and opportunities supporting their passions and causes.
• Sell their personal credibility, likeability and helpfulness.
• Demonstrate their unique business values to the right decision makers.
• Make positive differences in the lives of others.
• Build a strong support group of professional and personal allies.
• Take calculated risks.
• Embrace the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence.
• Develop a better understanding of people of different backgrounds and cultures.
• Think differently, creatively and independently.
We happen to help international students achieve their career goals in the USA with career, lifestyle and cultural services. [sic]

Check out U in the USA on Facebook.

Rachel’s English – Bio
Rachel has been working on Rachel's English for over 3 years. Having taught ESL off and on since 1999, she became interested in developing a pronunciation-focused resource while living in Germany under the Rotary Ambassadorial Scholarship program in 2008.

Rachel's initial idea in developing Rachel's English was to make the kind of resource for self-study that she wished she could find for her own foreign language study. As a classical singer, Rachel has spent much time immersed in singing in German, French, Italian, and Spanish. As a singer she studied with highly acclaimed vocal teachers and coaches and brings a body of detailed knowledge connected to the voice, placement, and the musical nature of speech to her work as a pronunciation coach.

Rachel lives in New York City. She was born and raised in Florida, went to college in Indiana where she studied Applied Math, Computer Science, and Music, and graduate school for Opera Performance in Boston. She loves being connected to people throughout the world through Rachel's English. [sic]

Check out Rachel's English by watching her useful videos on YouTube.

There are still 15 members left on the wall of thanks that are not featured in bios here in this blog. I leave this offer open to add your bio on Authentic Journeys. I will post bios once a month on the first day of the month if you submit yours to me at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

All the companies on the Wall of Thanks include: Rotary Club of Cochin Knights, Internations, U in the USA, Move One, Expat Arrivals, Green Pepper, RIT OASIS, Roberts Wesleyan Graduate School of Business, Jai Bharath College, Literacy Volunteers of Rochester, Nazareth College School of Social Work, NRI Matters, Open Coffee Kerala, Contentment India, The Self Realization Foundation and Visual IQ.

Here is the image of the ‘Wall of Thanks’ with all the company’s logos.

Thank you for reading this blog.

Process and Communication Styles in American Work Culture

2012-01-30T17:47:00.004+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Sufi Swarup

Fernando Aguirre, Chairman and CEO of Chiquita, a company well known for bananas, was showcased in one episode of Undercover Boss. Fernando goes undercover as Manuel Gonzales, an immigrant from Mexico who is trying to earn a job at Chiquita. (I will refer to him as ‘CEO Manuel’.)

In the first part of this episode, CEO Manuel goes into a warehouse to understand the processes, procedures, and daily tasks of an employee. At this site, the name of CEO Manuel’s training coordinator is Fernando.

The main lessons noticed in this segment about an American workplace are:

Small Talk
When CEO Manuel initially talks to Fernando, he asks him if he’s married, if he has children, etc. It is good that he poses as a Mexican immigrant. The first day, on the job, I have found this kind of conversation rare amongst Americans in the cities I have worked in. These kinds of questions are considered ‘too personal’ for the workplace. Neither would they be asked or answered as comfortably as between immigrants from cultures where this conversation is common.

Value for On-the-job Training
Fernando is training CEO Manuel on the operations and tasks of this distribution center. This is not done for the express reason of this television show. Regardless of the task level of jobs in America, a majority of jobs have some kind of on-the-job training program. Even, cashiers in grocery stores and gas stations go through a few days to a few weeks training program on the various tasks the cashier must undertake in any given work day. Even those who bag groceries are trained on the exact technique of doing this job. This adds value to the job and respect for the technique.

Need for Certifications
CEO Manuel drives the forklift. He mentions that he took a 45 minute ‘forklift certification’. The certification was either not comprehensive or the on-the-job and on-camera pressure of performing this task clearly got the better of him and he was unable to use the forklift. There are many tasks in many kinds of offices and manual labor types of jobs where some kind of certification and training ahead of time is required. As seen in this episode, one reason for this is to save time during the actual on-the-job training, and to make sure that valuable resources such as time, products, and customer service do not suffer or get wasted due to a break in the process.

Direct Communication
In this segment, CEO Manual becomes frustrated and wants to know what Fernando thinks of his work. He says to Fernando, “I hope I didn’t slow you down too much.” Fernando says directly, “Yes, you did.”
Fernando is able to make a quick assessment of Manuel’s work and decide if he is suited for the job. This is a respectable management trait of many managers in a wide variety of jobs in the USA.

Expressing Frustration
Throughout this experience, both CEO Manuel and Fernando show frustration.
Fernando shows his frustration by rubbing his hand on the back of his head, and trying to speed up the process.
CEO Manuel shows his frustration by exclaiming “Oh boy!” and saying “I wouldn’t hire me.”

Idiomatic Expressions
There were a few idiomatic expressions used in this segment. Though we may be able to understand the meaning from the context, it’s not always possible.

When CEO Manuel is introduced to Fernando, the manager says “Please show him everything we do from soup to nuts.”
This idiom from soup to nuts means from the beginning to the end or from ‘A to Z’ or everything there is to know.

When CEO Manuel is flustered about his work on the forklift, he exclaims Oh boy!
He is not saying this because a boy is in the way or he is calling out for a boy. Oh boy! is an exclamation of frustration like Oh God! or Oh no!. When frustrated, in some parts of south India, people will exclaim Amma or Appa! or and in north India bapre!. These expressions mean the same thing.

When CEO Manuel exclaims that he does not want to talk to the driver because he slows down the process, Fernando says “It’s good for you; it keeps your blood going.”
This idiom keeps your blood going means it’ll keep you on your toes or it will keep you alert, ready, or interested.
I also think that in this context, Fernando is being a bit sarcastic to CEO Manuel due to his frustration.

These are a few cross-cultural lessons that I learnt and wanted to share with you from the first segment of this episode of Undercover Boss. Below, you can see an abbreviated clip from this segment.

Have you experienced any of these scenarios on-the-job in America? Please share your stories, or experiences.

Photo credit: Pinprick @flickr

Related Posts:
Introduction to this series.

Jennifer Kumar, author is a cross-cultural coach helping Indians understand communication and workplace culture in America. Check out her program for expat workers planning to work in the USA entitled Living and Working in the USA. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Use Your USA Based Phone in India

2012-01-30T17:43:00.007+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Sufi Swarup

Many United States based Non-Resident Indians (here after, NRIs) travel to India every year with USA based cell phone carriers. Many wonder, “How can I use my American based cell phone in India?”

Step 1: Find out if your phone is GSM or CDMA

Carriers T-Mobile and AT&T are GSM compatible. (Verizon and Sprint are CDMA phones.)
GSM phones are easier to carry and use in India.
GSM phones allow you to exchange the SIM card. The SIM card gives a phone number for whichever phone the SIM card is placed in. This allows you to buy a SIM card in India to assign your US based phone an Indian phone number.

Step 2: Remove Network Lock

As you learnt in step 1, the SIM card is the identity of the phone. Carriers do not want people to swap their subsidized phones with another carrier. For instance, AT&T would not want a customer to buy an AT&T smartphone and use it on the T-Mobile network. To prevent this, they put a Network Lock on the phone. The Network Lock ensures that an AT&T phone can be used with an AT&T SIM card only.
Before going to India, call your carrier and ask them to unlock your phone for use abroad.
If you have AT&T and your contract is less than six months old, you may have to convince the operators that:

o You will be returning to the US.

o Unlocking your phone is a temporary requirement.

o Your US based contract will continue upon return. (Beware that if you do not return, US based contracts often charge heavy fees for breaking your contract.)

In case the carrier does not agree to remove the lock, there are Websites that will unlock the phone for a price. The unlock process for most phones is simple; it involves entering a special code. Smartphones like iPhone require some software to be installed or run but, that can be done.

Step 3: Buy a SIM card for GSM based phone in India.
In India, go to a mobile shop, and purchase an Indian based SIM card. To install the new SIM card, follow these steps:

Open the rear panel of your phone.
Remove the battery pack carefully.
Remove the previous SIM card.
Replace it with the new SIM card.
Ensure that you keep your US based SIM card for reuse after your India visit.

So, you may wonder, what can I do if my phone is not a GSM phone?

If your phone is not GSM, it is a CDMA phone. CDMA phones are compatible with Verizon and Sprint.
If you have a CDMA based phone you can buy a cheap prepaid phone once you land in India.
If you have a Verizon phone, you can enquire with the carrier about a “Verizon World Phone” or its current related international option.

I hope these tips will help you in having an uninterrupted cell phone connection on your international trips between the USA and India.

Photo credit: Krishna Kumar, used with permission.

Author, Jennifer Kumar helps people like you with successful transitions between the USA and India for work, studies, or family life. Feel free to contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Insights into American Work Culture Compliments “Undercover Boss”

2012-01-24T09:16:00.009+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Sufi Swarup

Undercover Boss is an American television show that airs on the station CBS. In India it airs on BBC World.

The basic plot of this show is about a CEO of a major corporation who goes ‘undercover’ and attempts various kinds of jobs within his or her organization. Imagine a CEO cleaning toilets, serving food, doing manual labor, collecting trash, changing hotel beds or any number of other lower paying jobs that do not require as much ‘education’ or ‘status’ as the CEO position.

Taking this show as a series, we can already learn a few lessons:

In America, there is more equality and dignity of labor for white collar vs. blue collar jobs than in other cultures.
In America there is cross-training. People in various positions do various jobs or understand a few different roles in their company.
In most companies, regardless of culture or country, the CEO is so removed from the daily workings of an average employee, that to get into the trenches with them and do their job is not easy.
Being a CEO and understanding how operations and management works for a wide variety of jobs that greatly differ from an office executive job is humbling for a CEO (let alone a big challenge).
There are many processes and procedures in American businesses to keep things on the ‘up and up’ and in a predictable way that offers a quality and consistent product to its customers.

These are a few overarching lessons of the series in general. Specifically, each episode has its own lessons to be learnt. I would like to share with you the lessons that I have learnt from different episodes that will help you understand American work culture as an Indian immigrant in the United States. In this analysis, I will highlight examples of American:

Work habits
Management styles
Training and procedural requirements
Relationship styles
Communication styles – including American idiomatic expressions
Other cross-cultural tid bits as they arise.

As a post script, the bosses and companies showcased in Undercover Boss and in these case studies are not in the typical professions that most desis in the USA work in. There are no (or rare) software companies, medical offices, hospitals, academic institutions, or engineering firms. Whatever be the setting, use these case studies to connect the dots to your work-place. Try to look at these case studies as a cultural blueprint of what to expect on the job at your American workplace. Not everything will translate into your work environment, but some of these things will be noticed at your workplace in different ways. My intention of sharing my lessons with you is to help you find more comfort and understanding on the job, and to be able to interact with your American colleagues better.

If you would like to receive updates of these posts, they can be e-mailed to you or delivered to you in your RSS reader.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day.
Photo credits Microsoft Clip Art

Related Posts:
Learn about on-the-job communication and process in an American workplace.

Author, Jennifer Kumar helps Indians like you to better understand American lifestyle and work culture. If you or your teams are planning to work with American teams, the online e-course Living and Working in the USA is available for you to guide you through the process of cross-cultural preparation ahead of time to increase understanding and on-the-job success.

Role of Potluck Parties in the NRI and Expat Culture

2012-01-19T01:44:00.010+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar
Edited by: Sufi Swarup

Potluck parties are a common feature in the Non-Resident Indian (hereafter, NRI) culture in America. The 'culture shock' and learning curve of such parties has even been bought out in NRI novels such as 'India Was One.' When many NRIs land in the USA, they want to get together, socialize and most importantly eat. These parties happen in the various houses of the NRI community members on a rotating basis. These are not small parties- but can host anywhere between 8 and 20 or more families at once. Since sharing of labor can reduce the stress and pressure on the host, each family or guest brings a menu item to share that everyone in the party can eat (known as "a dish to pass"). Though discussions may happen about who will bring what dish (pot), many times it can be decided at the last minute (luck) based on available ingredients and other dishes not on the menu.

Potluck parties serve a few main purposes or roles in passing down culture. A few roles are:

Social
We all like to mingle with people most like us. Potlucks allow the Desi circles to meet up on the weekends when life is not as busy to get together, talk, hang out and be comfortable around others in the same social circle. In small towns, these get togethers are more pan-Indian in nature having NRIs representing different parts of India. However, in bigger cities where there are significant populations of NRIs, these parties become very regional in nature – with focus on ethnic and linguistic groups from different parts of India (Tamil, Telugu, Marathi, Bengali, Punjabi, Gujarati, Kannada, Malayalee, etc.).

Cultural
At these potlucks, cultural traditions are discussed and passed down. While some potlucks are organized for weekend socializing, others are organized around children’s birthdays, wedding anniversaries of community members, religious rituals (housewarming - Griha Pravesh Puja, sacred thread ceremonies, baptisms, naming ceremonies for babies, etc.), and of course the multitude of Indian secular (Republic Day, Independence Day, etc) and spiritual holidays (Pongal, Onam, Diwali, Holi, Christmas, etc.). In some cases, potlucks may follow cultural study groups like Bhagavad Gita (where prasadam or holy food is served afterwards), Balvihar (kid’s cultural and language learning groups), satsangs (holy singing groups), or weekly pujas (prayers) at Hindu temples. This may also happen in the mosques (Muslims), gurudwaras (Sikhs) and churches where significant Indian populations frequent.

Culinary
Since every guest or family is ‘trying their hand’ at cooking dishes and sharing them, attendees of potlucks get to taste and learn recipes from different Indian traditions. Since all the food is homemade, a slight change of ingredients or methodology can change the final taste quite drastically. In potluck parties, one can learn about the culinary traditions of various regions of India. Although NRI potlucks generally are limited to regional or pan-Indian food, American food is also part of the menu. Potlucks attended by single professionals and married couples without children may restrict American menu options to snacks and baked goods. However, as the NRI families grow, and their children go to school, slowly American foods are added to the menu. Occasionally when a new American menu item is added to the NRI potluck table, it receives a lot of gossip and acclaim. Upon introducing hit recipes to the NRI group, regular group members will start to notice the scores of individual adaptations of a recipe as this menu item is made by different women and bought to the consequent parties.

Limiting the importance of expat potlucks to three criteria is almost unfair. Over the years, reading expat blogs from Indians in the US and Westerners in various countries, I understand that potlucks are important for very similar reasons among various expats in different countries of the world. What are your experiences with expat potlucks and what are some important features of expat potlucks from your point of view? Please share your stories.

Thank you for reading.
Photo in this post depicts a Pongal potluck meal had at an NRI party in the USA. (taken by Jennifer Kumar).

Author Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach helping Indians prepare and adjust to the social, academic and professional cultures in America. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com to open dialogue.

Related Links:
How to Plan a Potluck
Dish to Pass - What is it? (Culture Shock moving within US)

Traffic Rules for NRIs in the USA

2012-01-10T17:49:00.016+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

“Driving in India is crazy!”

This is the general sentiment of foreigners in India and even NRIs who return to India. It is only once we experience something different and have a reference point of comparison, we realize what the actual differences are. These few traffic and pedestrian rules may not be followed in many parts of India, and will be useful from a safety standpoint when coming to the USA.

Always Wear Your Seat Belt
If you are a driver or front seat passenger, always wear your seat belt. There are fines for getting caught not wearing it. If you get in an accident and don’t wear it, your car insurance will increase. Each state has different rules for the ages of the backseat drivers having to wear seat belts. Many states have a rule of under the age of 13 have to wear a seat belt. Children under particular heights and weights have to use booster seats. Infants and toddlers must use car seats. It’s illegal to place booster seats or car seats in the passenger seat. They must be placed in the back seat.

Do Not Overcrowd Your Car
The number of passengers in a car is limited to the number of seat belts available. Do not exceed this number because it can result in a fine.

Follow the Speed Limit
Speed limits are clearly noted on signs. Unlike some places in India where different vehicles have different speed limits, this would be rare or non-existent in the US. Every vehicle is treated equally. The speed limit for one vehicle applies to all vehicles. Some areas may have a minimum speed limit. Exceeding the maximum speed limit or driving below the minimum speed limit can result in getting pulled over by the police and getting a ticket. Also beware of speed limit changes in construction and school zones. Breaking the law in these areas is more serious on various levels, resulting in higher fines and penalties depending on the state you are in.

Stop Fully at all Stop Signs and Red Lights
In some areas of India, people come to a rolling stop at red lights and stop signs. Though this can happen in the US, take note that many intersections in cities may have traffic cameras recording your movements and especially noting your license plate number. All they have to do is look up your license plate number and send you a ticket in the mail so it is important to stop fully at all stop signs and red lights.

Do NOT Pass School Buses with Flashing Red Lights
A school bus has two colored flashing lights. The first color to flash is orange to warn you to slow down, soon the door will open and kids will get out. The second color light to flash is red. Red means STOP. If you pass a school bus with flashing red lights from ANY side, you will get ticketed and in some states you can be put into jail too.

Only Pass on the LEFT side
Unlike in India where you can pass (overtake) on either side going in the same direction; in the US we can only pass on the LEFT. It’s illegal to pass on the right. The right side is often called the ‘shoulder’ or the ‘side of the road.’ The shoulder or side of the road is not meant for driving.

Use the Shoulder for its Intended Uses
The shoulder of the road, a concept not readily understood within most areas of India, is common on US roads. The shoulder is the area of the road extending past the white line and to the unpaved ground. The shoulder is reserved for emergencies. If your car breaks down, ‘pull over’ or move your car to the side of the road. If you need to make a cell (mobile) phone call, pull onto the shoulder. (It is illegal to talk on your phone and drive in most states and you can get heavily fined and have points on your license which effects your driving record; which can increase your car insurance). It is always important to remember to turn on your 4-way flashers (hazard lights) when parked on the shoulder of a busy road so that other drivers are aware you are there to avoid an accident. You would do this during the day or night times.

Pull Out Into the Road F-A-S-T
In India, people have a habit of slowly inching into the traffic. This is not a common practice in most areas of US. People already driving on the road will not slow down to allow you into traffic. Be sure to turn on your blinker (indicator) and wait for a break in the traffic. If you pull out slow into traffic and oncoming traffic collide with your car, you will be at fault and your car insurance premiums rise. Additionally, always take care to use the correct blinker when turning or pulling out into traffic. Accidents that are found at fault of the driver not using their blinker will be fined and reported to their insurance company. Drivers found at fault for accidents generally notice a rise in insurance premiums, are responsible to pay for damages of the other driver’s cars, and may have points put on their driver’s license.

Use Four Way Flashers for Indicating a Problem
If your car is not working properly and you have to drive slower than most drivers on the road, put on your four way flashers. This indicates to others driving up quickly behind you that you are going slower. If you are unable to keep up with the traffic and there is a shoulder, it’s appropriate to drive short distances on the shoulder with your four way flashers on.

Give Right of Way
Some of the tips I have already given in this post teach about right of way. There are many rules for giving the right of way. This page will give you more information. Take note that giving the right of way is not only important for other drivers but pedestrians and cyclists also.

Pedestrians
Pedestrians are, by law, to cross in designated crosswalks. When approaching a cross-walk in a car, slow down. If anyone is walking in the cross-walk stop completely and let them cross. If a driver hits a pedestrian in a cross-walk, that’s a major offense; the driver is at fault. However, in most cases hitting a pedestrian outside a crosswalk, though punishable, the punishment will also fall on the pedestrian for breaking the law and not crossing in the cross-walk. (Those not crossing in the cross-walk are considered ‘jaywalking’. This is an offense in most cities; punishable by high fines and in rare cases, jail time.) This video sums up nicely the problems drivers and pedestrians face while crossing the street outside the cross-walk.

“Looking Both Ways Before Crossing”
Whether driving or walking, Americans are taught to ‘look both ways’ before crossing the road or making a turn. Assure that you do this to keep yourself safe. This video on right of way and making left turns sums up this point nicely.

Parking Rules
In India, people seem to park their car in any open place, and double and triple park in some cases without penalty (that I have seen, maybe there is in places I haven’t seen). Parking on many roads would be done on the side of the road or on the shoulder. On major highways and toll-roads parking on the side of the road is generally prohibited. Parking on bridges is also illegal in many areas. Double or triple parking seen in cities is done by delivery people, but if normal drivers do it, they are ticketed and it can weigh against their car insurance and points on their driver license. Also assure where you park in cities is allowable and look for any tolls that need to be paid. Some cities stagger parking- parking on one side of the road is allowed one day, and on the other side of the road the other day. Carry dimes and quarters for parking meters and parking fee booths. Some sophisticated meters may allow credit cards. Not all parking garages will allow payments in credit card. Take note that many cities have ‘traffic police’- cops specifically assigned to check parking meters and ticket those who do not comply to the parking rules and fees.

Car Insurance
Always, always maintain car insurance. Do not let it lapse. When visiting India do not cancel it. In many states a car without car insurance is considered illegal. Many Desis rent apartments or homes, in most states keeping an uninsured car on someone else's property is considered illegal. It has been known that landlords, when they find out about uninsured and unregistered cars will have them towed away. Sometimes the owner can recover the car for a fee, sometimes they cannot. Each state has different rules regarding this. Find out at your state’s Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).

Additionally, don't forget to visit the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) when moving to another state to get a new driver's license. Make your move within the USA more comfortable with the DMV by reading Movingal's tips.

I know there are a LOT more driving and road safety rules I can share with you to keep you NRIs safe in the USA, but these are the main ones that come to my mind now.

Stay safe!

*Thank you for helping me edit this Jennifer Tam.

Thank you for reading this post.

Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach imparting practical tips for cross-cultural adjustment safety and success. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Photo credits:
Speed limit - rodeomilano @flickr
Parking sign - basykes @ flickr

Completed Projects

2012-01-09T20:07:00.002+05:30

Jai Bharath College, Kochi, India
MBA Department, Visiting Lecturer on Soft-Skills Topics

Jai Bharath Website
Cross-cultural reflections from this event (video).


	Visual IQ Corporation, Kochi, India Day-long cross-cultural training program preparing Indian expats to US for cultural difference inside and outside the workplace. Visual IQ Website

Rotary Club of Cochin Knights, Kochi, India

Rotary Club of Cochin Knights Website

Open Coffee Kerala
Networking Seminar

See the video to promote event.
Open Coffee Kerala on Facebook

Roberts Wesleyan College
Buisness Department - SIFE Program Going to Coimbatore, India
Guided Discussion on Pre-departure and Success Tips for India Study Abroad

More information on this page.

Nazareth College
Social Work Department - Study Abroad to India - Kochi, Kerala (Rajagiri College, hosts)
Panel Presentation on Pre-Departure Planning and Tips for Experiencing India

Read student and staff blogs about their India experience.

Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT)
Oasis (Indian Students Organization)
Tips and Exercises Indian Students Can Use to Be Successful in America

See the presentation and worksheets here.

Help with American English and Culture for Indians and NRIs

2012-01-09T19:14:00.000+05:30

As an Indian interacting with Americans or an NRI living in America have you struggled with any of these questions:

"How can I get my offshore team in India to communicate fluently with the American team?"
"Talking about technical stuff is easy. But how can I talk in conversational English?"
"Why is my accent so hard for Americans to understand?"
"Why doesn't anyone understand me? How can I get my American colleagues or boss to understand me?"
"I get so nervous around my American colleagues, I just hang out with the NRIs. But I know this affects my promotional opportunities. How can I overcome this?"
"I know English, but I don't understand how to speak American English. I don't understand American culture."
"Why is it done that way in America? How can I cope with that?"
"I never thought American life would be so difficult! How do I get help?"

Do any of the above questions keep you awake at night? How have you attempted to cope with these problems?

Would you be open to approaching these problems in a different way?

Hello everyone, I am Jennifer Kumar. These are the questions and problems I have helped others just like you solve. I help you face, approach and solve these problems in ways that are not only successful but respect your unique personality, cultural identity and approach to the world. Life is all about change, and I'm not going to lie to you- whether you stay in India your whole life or move to America, you will evolve and change. Mentorship helps you buffer that change and face it with courage, determination and success.

Starting this process is the first step. By coming to this page and reading this, you are looking for answers. You want to solve your problems and gain a deeper understanding. As an American who is living in India for a second time and is married into an Indian family, who has studied and worked in India and USA, I understand both cultures. Being involved in NRI matters in US since 1996, I understand the situations and concerns that bother you - that make you uncomfortable in dealing with Americans.

Americans and Indians do have cultural differences. And though we both speak English- our languages are often misunderstood. I am here to offer you a new approach to bridge these gaps, find understanding and feel more comfortable with Indo-US relations.

The next step is up to you. Do you want to be plagued with these same problems you have been facing day after day and year after year or do you want to take the bold step and do something about it? The question is where do you want to go from here?

Learn more about how Jennifer can help you

Learn more about Jennifer Kumar, your mentor and coach

Read what others have to say about Jennifer's approach

Indians Working with Americans: Mistakes in Cross-Cultural Communication

2012-01-08T08:58:00.007+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Transfer of knowledge between customer and client or technicians and lay people is imperative for any project to be successful. Communication and soft skills become all the more important when dealing between cultures, languages and disciplines.

To quote Dr. V. Rajagopal retired Director, Central Plantation and Crops Research Institute (CPCRI), Kasaragod when talking about how knowledge is transferred between scientists and farmers to improve the quality of agriculture in India through scientific advancements, he says,

“It takes time to convince a farmer and for that good communication skills and patience become imperative. Experts must be ready to share, hone their talking skills to help transfer of technology to the fields from the labs.” [sic](source)

Initially someone may wonder how this piece of advice given between farmers and experts (in this case, scientists) could relate to the communication problems that occur during offshoring and outsourcing. Can you make the connection?

It’s an easy connection, really. Ironically, these kinds of connections that once understood drastically improve soft skills and an ability to link diverse concepts and approach problems from different viewpoints; hallmarks of truly good customer service from the American viewpoint. This is an important skill needed by Indians when interacting with Americans that is very much lacking.

So, have you been able to guess the connection? Let me restate that quote with a change of a few terms:

“It takes time to convince a client abroad (or American colleague) and for that good communication skills and patience become imperative. Software developers (project managers, team leads, etc.) must be ready to share, hone their talking skills to help transfer of technology to the various corporations and customer bases they serve from their India operations.”

This is clunky or cumbersome language. Better said,

“Expert computer programmers and coders need to be able to understand the holistic needs of their clients and their client’s customers to understand how the product delivery and potential problems can affect their business growth.”

This is not always easy. Firstly, the developer needs to understand that though he or she may be an expert in software, the developer is not an expert in the field the product is being delivered to. This requires a steep learning curve for the developer. To deliver the best customer service (from an American standpoint), it is important and imperative to understand that discipline’s vocabulary, exact customer base (strengths and problems) and an ability to approach situations and problems from various angles. The biggest problem here is that the Indian educational system, though imparting superb technical training, misses the mark on focusing on communication and soft skills. This becomes the biggest problem for outsourcing projects.

Three Possible Solutions:

Research the Company
An employee or independent contractor should be identified to thoroughly research the company. This research can include (but not limited to), what is the problem the company is trying to solve through their products, how the past and current products (including the software currently being assigned) solves the customer problems and is different than past solutions, what kind of problems they want to avoid in their product roll out, how customers will interact with the product, among other aspects. Another, often missing element is understanding the client’s vocabulary. Each discipline and profession has a particular language. What is the corporate lingo (aka words and phrases unique to this company)? The best customer service representatives know how to talk to their customers in a language they understand. This is irrespective of crossing cultures.

Create a Training Program to Deliver to the India Team
Based on the research conducted above, a training module must be developed and delivered to the India team for every project in a new company or in a new discipline or delivered to a new customer base. This may seem too time consuming and unnecessary at first. Developers may scoff at this idea thinking they are already experts in their work, and this training is not directly related to their work. Americans would highly disagree. I have come to know of several offshoring and outsourcing projects that within weeks of appointment were canceled because the India team refused to understand the terminology and exact needs of the client they were servicing in America.

Learn Soft-Skills
Soft-skills training is imperative to being able to deliver projects effectively. The number one problem many managers identify is improving English fluency. Though this may seem like the problem, with those very conversant in English, there are other more advanced aspects of handling the language besides simply talking. Major problems I have noticed are: an inability to express technical aspects in everyday English or in terminology understood by the client (some of this can be addressed from the above solutions), an ability to command the language to express the same idea multiple ways, an understanding of concepts like open and close ended questions, paraphrasing, reflective listening, extracting specifics, using "I language", being specific and being able to use inflection in speaking. Some of these skills come with practice, while some are cultural-dependent. The bottom line is if the America team is unable to understand the India team due to a basic lack of communication; the project suffers, less opportunity to maintain relationships exist and overall the benefit for the American side is lost.

To avoid the mistakes in this article, invest in these suggestions. The cost in short term will seem high, but in the long run, your company and team could see longer lasting projects, assignment of more projects and, in the long term, better job security for your team and your company. While some may think that these issues are not important as they have not been affected by them please do not let the illusion of this steer you away from understanding its core importance. Communication skills are cornerstone to business. These skills are challenged all the more when interacting cross-culturally. It is important that companies and their employees take this seriously for their own career development as well as company strategic growth.

Are you an Indian who needs help to better understand Americans at work or socially? Jennifer Kumar is an Indian-America cross-cultural expert helping individuals on their own or through their company to identify communication problems and workable, practical solutions for success. She works via net, phone and in person in Kochi, India. Contact her for a free, no-obligation discussion at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Related Posts:
The Crisis and Secret in Kochi (Video) - by Jennifer Kumar
How to talk about delicate subjects

Does Living Abroad Make Me More Interesting?

2012-01-05T17:22:00.003+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

I used to think so! That’s the main reason I wanted to live abroad; initially.

“When returning to America from Kenya, I instinctively called my family members by the Swahili terms. It just seemed to come like second nature; and I don’t know why since I only spent two years of my life there.”

I remember this quote from a variety of books I read of Americans who immersed themselves into various foreign cultures. I remember reading this with awe thinking, “How could this happen to someone? What kind of experience would make them forget their quote en quote natural ways of being? What did his family think not being addressed in English? Did they understand him anymore? How long did it take him to readjust to US ways? Wow…. he’s so interesting….”

It is very intriguing how someone can move to a different place and adapt so much it appears they have completely changed. At least to the people that thought they knew this man, he suddenly seemed different, foreign. Surely, they had no idea what in the world he was talking about!

Just like so many may be intrigued with me and how I have lived in India (currently for the second time) and adapted so much to the culture, I am fascinated with others who do the same. I am equally fascinated with those who manage to ‘stay the same’ as I find it impossible to do.

Just like that man talking to his American family in Swahili probably thought, people who appear to adapt flawlessly have a different view of ‘identity’ than those who feel that identity is confined to ‘material’ things like food, dress, and even language (though I still struggle with that!). We find our identity in things that we can carry with us anywhere in the world. It may not be easy to carry material items around the world; but we can carry our inner being with us anywhere. Part of this inner being allows us to adapt which can help us find commonalities or at least comfort with locals in most of the places we go.

Is it easy? To coin an American slang “heck no!” Well, while some things may be easy; most of it is downright difficult. Some things, like maybe the Indian head-bob or saying ‘Yes ma’am’ or ‘No saar’ are easy to pick up and do; while other things like truly understanding group culture and always using my right hand (and not my left hand) are. Some behaviors we can adapt to without much conscious effort. Others – the ones that cause us identity problems and culture shock- cause us to wonder about our identity and how or if we should even entertain the suggestion of change. It’s not easy. Sometimes we refuse to change. Sometimes we realize we must change because the adopted culture measures different variables (eg. success, friendliness) differently.

Not everyone adapts the same way. No two people will adapt to or reject the same things. Sometimes that also causes a conflict.

Is it this illusion of change of identity the thing that makes people who live abroad appear interesting? Whether it’s India (stereotypically known as a spiritual country), Italy, Kenya, Ghana, Chile, Philippines, Dubai, America, Japan, or any other country, understanding the local ways and adapting to find comfort and success is NOT easy. It does challenge everything we were raised on. It forces us to look deep within and not live on autopilot. In that way, any country becomes a spiritual country. Sorry, India.

The constant and timeless struggle with identity intrigues us. We are curious when people take the less trodden path and be different. It’s not easy to be different (yes, even in the individualist country of America). It’s easier to stay the same. It’s easier to stay tied to the things that we know. It’s comfortable. It won’t get us in trouble with our family or friends. People we [think we] relate to will always relate to us the less we change. The less effort we have to take to make new friends and meet new people. The less effort we have to take to know who we truly are on the inside.

So, does changing one’s identity through culture shock and adaptation make one ‘more interesting?’ That’s for you to decide. What I can say from going through this experience myself is, I don’t find myself more interesting. I feel I am just living my life. My life happens to take me on the path of living in India; not once but twice. For that I am blessed. I can experience something most from my country don’t have any clue about. And, because of that I have a responsibility to enlighten others. And, having this interesting life (in other’s eyes) has a consequence. Taking the less beaten path of life is not easy. It may sound romantic or bohemian; but, yes, sometimes I am intrigued by the people who appear not to change. I wonder if it is ‘easier’ for them. However, once I have tasted this life of difference and interest, there is NO going back because it helps me grow as a person. I am always challenged. I am always finding excuses to reassess myself because I am continually challenged by my surroundings and those I surround myself with. It keeps me on my toes. Maybe that make me and people like me interesting, I don’t know.

To sum up, understanding our true identity, changing or evolving our identity is interesting. Whether we live in the same place our whole lives or have a chance to move away or move abroad. It’s only once most of us move away from comforts and habits – out of our comfort zone – that we learn more about ourselves. That is only if we are willing to be open and learn.

Do you think people who live abroad are ‘more interesting?’ Why or why not?
Do people think you are more interesting because of your global lifestyle? What do you think about that?

Are you considering a move abroad to 'be more interesting'? Living abroad is not easy. I can tell you from experience! It will surely help you grow. If you'd like to talk more about this and brainstorm plans for your move abroad, I am a cross-cultural coach and I specializing in helping you adjust and find comfort abroad. Contact me, Jennifer Kumar, authenticjourneys@gmail.com anytime.

Image reuse under creative commons: paval hadzinski @flickr.

Overcoming the Negativity of Culture Shock

2012-01-04T19:42:00.005+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

“Culture shock may never end!”

This encouraging remark is a summation of statements I have heard from immigrants to US from various parts of the world, including my parents who both have lived in US for more than 50 years and still don’t feel completely American despite their best attempts at raising my sister and I American so we would blend in better. (By the way, I am being sarcastic about the ‘encouraging’ part.)

Maybe that’s why I had to come to India. No, that’s why I was destined to come to India. I had to feel how it really, truly and deeply feels to come to a completely different world- a world I’d feel alien and try to understand it, blend in and feel comfortable.

Is this possible?

Facing Change
To trackback- is it possible to feel completely comfortable and culture-shock free even in America the country of my birth? To that, I’d answer a resounding NO. That may shock people, but if we all look deeply and truthfully at our lives to say that things never change – that we never face personal transitions or even societal transitions we’d be denying a very real and palpable reality. A living culture, and individuals in that culture, can only be living as they evolve and change. Some changes are good – and some are not always welcome.

Some changes can be downright impossible to accept, agree to and adapt to. This is when the true culture shock sets in. And, when we are out of our native environment, this culture shock is magnified exponentially!

How to Face Culture Change
Many culture shock experts advice to focus only on the positive and stop complaining about the negative. Easier said than done.

As I am facing culture shock living in India a second time, I began to question this. Is this realistic? Is this good for my mental health? Is this very idea of thinking positive forcing me to remain in culture shock?

Reviewing my own life and professional experiences; especially those experiences giving therapy and coaching to those medically diagnosed with mental health disorders (depression, bipolar, ADHD, autism, schizophrenia and others), I was reminded that though it is not good to always be negative it is equally unhealthy to be in denial also. Extreme negativity and extreme denial cause true mental disorders. I also do not believe positive thinking or positive affirmations work in all situations. If these affirmations are used for the express reason of denying the reality to avoid being negative to release tension this is also not healthy.

Culture Shock Inherently is by Nature a Problem
So, if you are facing culture shock, it’s most likely because you are unable to handle something negative that happened to you when living, working, studying, visiting or interacting in relationships with those abroad.

To validate this statement, how many complain of culture shock when they are comfortable, things are good, and they enjoy the thrill of change and difference?

Not many, I suppose. So, if you have culture shock, it is because you ARE having some problem with your surroundings, the social customs or other practical issues of your new surroundings. The very nature of problem for most of us is negative. Since we often want to avoid negative feelings; we decide to gloss over this or sugar coat it with positive affirmations. When we choose to always look on the bright side, we fail to dig deeper into the culture to find out the truth about what is going on. Local people may not want to hear about it; but at the same time, if we deny what is happening to us and ‘shove it under the rug,’ the person we hurt most is ourselves. This means we live in denial and become a victim of our surroundings.

Benefits of Complaining
Complaining can be good to get the feelings and anger out. Complaining, like anything else in life must be done with moderation. If the complaining forces us into a place of an ‘us vs. them’ mentality or isolation or inability to cope with our new surroundings, we need to stop complaining and use our energies to find out about the local culture, why things are happening the way they do and see how we can adjust to it. Yes, this is not always easy. Most people do not think about why do they or do not do things; often it is ‘just my culture.’ That being said if we use our investigatory skills and keenly observe things and try to think about things from different angles (always asking “Why does someone behave like that?”) we may find the real answer to the situation. If we don’t find an answer, we may at least gain empathy and sympathy for the local situation; a different kind of understanding than we had before.

Disadvantages of Positive Affirmations
Sugar coating, glossing over and using positive affirmations in excess is also unhealthy. Firstly, positive affirmations may in some cases do nothing more than give us an inflated ego, which is not useful when facing culture shock. Rather than inflate our egos at these moments, we should humble ourselves and try to see things from their point of view. Be like the baby who is absorbing her environment and simply observe the world around us. Of course, as adults, we don’t want to revert back to baby-hood, it could hurt our egos, but in times like this (extreme culture shock) this technique reaps tremendous benefits. I am not saying this as a coach and social worker with research books to back me up; I am saying this as a person who has experienced culture shock in India and has personally used this technique with success. Denying the reality also will only “help” for so long. I put help in quotes because it really only appears to help. It’s all a big illusion. Think about any problem you have faced in your life (not only culture shock). Did you ever deny any problem you faced? Did you ever deny aspects of any situation you faced because the reality was too painful? Be honest! We are all human and most people are guilty of this, even if they never will admit it publicly. It’s ok. First admit it to yourself. Do you remember what happened when you denied the situation? Did it get worse or better? How or when did it resolve itself? In most cases, such issues only get resolved once we are brutally honest with ourselves, admit we are in denial, face the harsh reality and actively find solutions to get over the problem at hand.

Reflections
All these things are NOT easy. I know. I like any human, like you, have faced all kinds of problems in my own life. Denial never fixed one of those problems. Being overly positive about a clearly negative situation did not help, either. Admitting the problem, facing it head on with bravery (and fear!), and finding solutions did however work – like magic!

Magic, like life is not easy. But surviving culture shock is not either. Some people out of their native environments their entire lives never feel completely at ease or accepted in their adopted homes. But some, some of us braver ones who face the fear of culture shock, adaptation, change and personal growth do find more ease and comfort than those living in denial or the la-la land of positive affirmations.

What path will you take?

I understand those who may really need to hear this message may not find this post. If you know anyone who NEEDS to hear this or NEEDS to interact with a professional coach who has been through culture shock, please forward this post and have them contact me- Jennifer Kumar at authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Feel free to share your culture shock experiences below.

When did denial hold you back from finding comfort abroad?
When has being positive (denying reality) kept you from moving forward and overcoming culture shock?

Related Links:
Three steps to adapting to new cultural rules and behaviors.

Photo credit: Meredith_Farmer @Flickr. Click on photos for bigger sizes.

Most Read Articles on Cross-Cultural Topics in 2011

2012-01-02T18:28:00.005+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar

137. That's how many posts were posted to Authentic Journeys blog in 2011.

Interactions with you, my clients and experiences from my own personal life have inspired many of the articles which offered readers tips, advice, and help in overcoming various problems faced by culture shock when moving between USA and India.

I want to share with you the top eleven posts on my blog of 2011 - plus one to grow on!

This blog and website is all about you and issues you will face in your move between USA and India. While many wanted to know how to avoid mistakes in American culture and how I could help them; others were looking for answers in how to spend their time in USA on an H4 (dependant visa), others wanted to know how to prepare for studying abroad to America and how to brush up on their English communication skills.

When moving, we face a wide variety of issues. Some of these issues are delicate topics and not easy to talk about. Not only do they make us disoriented, confused, and miss our home; but they offer us the experience of culture shock. Culture shock, though a widely popular term, is often misunderstood. Hence, many want to know if they have culture shock.

Many of you were able to relate to various articles, tips and experiences offered in the blog; so many wanted to understand how others before experienced coaching with me and what they had to say about the experience. While many wanted to read the testimonials, others were more interested to learn about the practical aspects of coaching- the cost. Keep in mind, cost of various packages though listed can be flexible depending on your needs. If you have any doubts, just contact me.

Of course, part of coaching is being able to relate to you and your experiences. Because you want to be coached by someone who understands you AND has the skills to help you, many read about my life story and professional background. Many were interested to know how a foreigner, and that too, an American could live in and adjust to India and what kinds of things I'd miss living in India.

I am impressed that tens of thousands of you have read my blog this year. For that, I am honored and humbled. I am happy that I could offer you something you found useful and relevant to your life. I am planning on continuing this in 2012. As usual, if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to cover, please contact me at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Wishing you and your family a healthy and prosperous 2012.

Transitions and Relationships Bridging USA and India

2011-12-30T23:02:00.005+05:30

Moving between cultures and countries for work and love is pretty common now a days. If you have encountered these kinds of transitions between the USA and India, articles linked within this post may be of interest to you.

Although there are many more choices for Indians to study abroad, one does wonder if Indians still prefer studying abroad to the USA? Though we know that Indians are broadening their horizons, still plenty of Desis who have been in the USA for awhile may marry and bring their spouse to the USA. Though many do marry and move to the USA every year, it always makes sense to investigate the path your life will take. There will be many questions that one should consider in this process.

NRIs who enter an arranged marriage may not think theirs is cross-cultural despite marrying a spouse who’s been abroad and adapted to a new culture. Sometimes Indians meet abroad or within India and fall in love and get married. These relationships may bridge regions of their states, state boundaries or North and South. A sample of this kind of cross-cultural relationship was the focus of the book “India Was One.” In addition to cross-cultural marriages within India, truth be told that the numbers of Indians meeting Americans (non-Indians) over the net and moving to the US or having their American spouse move to India is on the rise. What is it like to be in a cross-cultural marriage and what are some things one can consider about cross-cultural marriages and moving to the USA or India?

Of course, regardless of moving to America from India or moving to India for love or work assignments, one will have to undergo the process of fitting in. Though fitting in is experienced differently for everyone, many may wonder why others don’t understand them and how increase mutual understanding in a new culture, relationship or work environment.

Fitting in, being understood by others and finding love are timeless human needs. How have you experienced fitting in, being understood and love between cultures?

"Living Abroad In India" - A Must Have Book

2011-12-30T13:22:00.005+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar

Need help and guidance on practical aspects of moving to and settling in India?

"Living Abroad in India" by Margot Bigg is the book that will answer your questions.

I guarantee this book will help you if you are:

A foreigner (especially American or Westerner) moving to India (for a first or SECOND time).
A Non-Resident Indian (NRI) living abroad and planning to return to India (R2I).
A manager of offshoring or outsourcing project relocating employees or clients to India.

Buy this book -
In India with free postage through Flipkart. Click here.
In USA through Amazon. Click here.

Video review:

If you would like to talk with someone about planning your move to or move back to India, getting settled, navigating the culture differences before or after your move, I am available to talk with you over the net or phone anywhere you are in the world. Contact me (Jennifer Kumar) at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Thank you for spending your time on this website.

Uncomfortable Discussions - 8 Ways To Start Talking

2011-12-29T13:09:00.008+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar

Not every situation is easy to talk about. Especially when getting used to another culture and facing culture shock, we encounter so many different things that catch us off guard. Things we thought we knew about suddenly don't make sense in a different environment. Some things are easy to talk about; while others are not so easy to find the answers to. How can we start conversations about sensitive topics?

8 tips to get you started:

Tips on coaching, teaching, or discussing sensitive subjects:

Tip 1:
Ask the person to identify their impressions of the culture as a starting point.

Tip 2:
Ask the person to idnetify social gaffes they have witnessed or made.

Tip 3:
Just do it - Preparing Hands-On Demonstrations

Tip 4:
Find Common Ground or Reference Points

Tip 5:
Blame it on the Culture (aka "It's our culture.")

Tip 6:
Use Pop Culture Reference

Tip 7:
Use a coach, trainer or teacher of the same gender

Tip 8:
Learn from Scratch

While utilizing these tips, keep in mind that deploying them with the correct communication skills is key. Use of appropriate verbal and non-verbal culturally sensitive communication strategies is a big part of the key to effectively delivering these messages. Learning about the situation from their point of view while helping them adjust the best possible way is key. Use of empathy, sympathy, listening skills and understanding through the use of many questions is key.

Often sensitive subjects such as religion, race, hygiene, sexuality (sexual harassment, eve teasing, etc), and others are hard to broach. But, depending on the cultural environment you find yourself in abroad, topics may need to be discussed to help you figure out how to find comfort in a new place. I hope some of these tips can help you to start to find the answers you are looking for.

If you are still struggling with some delicate issues and want a third person to help you out, I am a cross-cultural coach and am open to meeting you via Skype, telephone or in person (if in Kochi, India) regarding how to resolve your cross-cultural problems. As an American living in India a second time, I do understand what you're going through. Contact me anytime, authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Image: Microsoft Clip Art

Related Links:
Challenges Faced by Female Expats
What's it like to live in another country?

What is Authentic Journeys All About?

2011-12-28T07:51:00.009+05:30

Hello and Greetings Everyone.

Have you struggled with adjusting to American culture as an Indian?

Have you struggled with culture shock in India?

Do you need help with your cross-cultural relationships and friendships?

Is the inability to speak fluent American English holding you back from the success you deserve?

Do you know anyone preparing to move between the USA and India for studies, work or family life?

I understand the struggles that you will encounter. I have lived through the transitions of moving to India from the USA not once but twice.

My name is Jennifer Kumar. I am an American living in Kochi. I have been here since March 2011. For the last 15 years, I have been living, breathing, and, yes, "eating" American and Indian culture. It's my passion to create harmony between these two diverse cultures and lifestyles. If you are struggling with this, I can help you as I care about your success.

My field of work is coaching in soft skills to help with cross-cultural success.

I focus on helping increase understanding cross-culturally between Indians an Americans. I have chosen this specialty because of my fondness for your country. I began to learn about India in 1996. Since then I have been active in NRI and Indian groups in US, with close ties to Tamil and Malayalee groups. Since 1996, I have lived in India twice. The first time I lived in Chennai for two years, where I earned my master’s degree in Madras Christian College. Following this, I moved back to US for several years, and have now relocated again to India; to Kochi. I am married to a Malayalee and am very happy to be more integrated into Indian culture. I am always striving for a balance between my American and Indian identities. Myself having this struggle, while understanding the beauties of both cultures, I am very passionate about helping Indians be better understood by Americans and helping Americans be better understood by Indians and adapt to Indian culture.

When Indians can understand the inside of American culture from an American who also knows quite a bit about their Indian culture, it is beneficial because:

academic adjustment will be easier
culture shock can be reduced
it eradicates myths about American lifestyle
sensitive subjects can be handled confidentially

Of course, the same is true for Americans who learn about India from an American who looks deep inside the culture. Besides looking deep into the culture, I will look deep inside of the concerns you are facing to help you find and apply the best solution to the problem that balances productivity, work ethics, and cross-cultural understanding without compromising your identity. I have seen the transformations; and have undergone them myself. I have seen it from both sides of the fence.

That being said, I am a consultant, coach and trainer. I am self-employed. As you will see by my resume, I have already completed some projects in and around Kochi. I am honored to add you or your company to my list of clients.

Projects I Have Experience In Include:
- Cross culture training for short and long term expat assignments. (In person and e-solutions available.)
- One on one and small group American English communication skills (accent reduction, communication techniques, related topics)
- Career Enhancement Coaching. This service enhances employee retention- helping your employees grow professionally along with the growth of the organization. Other corporate programs also available.
- Communication skills coaching. This mediation technique will review, analyze and offer solutions for cross-cultural communication misunderstandings between Indians and American clients.
- Cross-cultural pre-departure classes for Indians planning to study in USA and Americans coming to India.
- Help for Indians to Americanize their resume, prepare for job interviews, and career development
- Help for Indian spouses on dependent visas (H4, etc) to cope with daily life in USA
- Coaching to prepare for cross-cultural and international marriages between Americans and Indians, or for Indians entering into arranged marriages with someone in USA.
- Personality development courses.

The links within this letter will take you to more thorough descriptions of the services provided.

If you’d like to know what past clients have said, click here..

Feel free to peruse my resume and brochures. I am available and pleased to come in and meet you in person at your convenience to discuss further.

Thank you for your valuable time.

Links in this post:
All Services Provided
American English Conversational Coaching
College Brochure
Corporate Brochure
How Indians Can Prevent Costly Mistakes Abroad
Jennifer Kumar’s Resume
Living in US on a H4 (dependent) Visa
Preparing to Study in USA – A Preparatory Program
Testimonials & Success Stories

Additional Links:
Facebook
YouTube

Free Coaching to Help With Your New Year’s Resolutions

2011-12-26T18:46:00.017+05:30

Is there something bothering you; an issue you want resolved or a problem you want solved in 2012?
Have you tried setting resolutions in the past, but it did not work?
Did you lack structure, focus, resource allocation and accountability?

Sometimes when we do it all alone, it’s hard to be structured, focused, allocate our resources (including time management) and be accountable for our own outcomes. Working with a coach can change all that. Motivated people start seeing results after only three sessions of coaching (one session to set goals and two follow up sessions to manage focus, structure and accountability).
Do you want to try coaching but are afraid to start? Are you looking for just the right coach?

I hope to be the one you are looking for!

Would you like to win some free time with me, your cross-cultural coach to help you address and start forming long-lasting solutions to your personal, professional, cross-cultural and relationship problems and start off 2012 on the right foot?

YOU have a chance to win TWO SESSIONS with me (up to 4 hours) to work on a wide variety of topics (listed at the end of this post).

LIKE the Facebook page here (Remember to go to the page and introduce yourself!).

HOW TO WIN THESE SESSIONS: (Please read all these details carefully.)

Between December 26, 2011 and January 16, 2012 ask your friends to join my cross-cultural tips page at Facebook – linked here.
When they join, they must write on the wall “Hello everyone! Nice to meet you. I am invited here by (your name)”.
Once a new person joins they can also enter the contest and invite their friends to join. Everyone has to write on the wall when they join!
Based on how many people you get to join- you can choose the prize you want. The more people you have join, the more chance you have to choose the prize you want!

Read Additional Details:

ONLY FIVE (5) winners to be chosen.
New clients only. Preexisting clients can not enter. (As we are starting fresh.)
Winners will be notified by January 23, 2012 by Facebook personal message or other relevant messaging system. Winners names will not be posted publicly unless you as the winner request it to be.
If you are playing to win for someone else, the prize in entirety is transferable to one person.
All prizes (coaching sessions) must be completed between February 1, 2012 and March 1, 2012.
Prizes value roughly US$160. Unredeemed prizes cannot be redeemed for cash or any other service through Authentic Journeys.
These sessions will be treated professionally and seriously as any other session I would give to paying clients. Therefore, you may be required to fill out some questions so that we can try to get right to the point.
Once a new member joins and signs the wall accordingly he or she can also be eligible to win coaching sessions by inviting their friends to join the group.
Feel free to blog, tweet, or post this contest on Facebook to get people to sign up. Feel free to use this text “I want to win a free coaching session. Join Authentic Journeys group, sign the wall with this text, “Hello everyone! Nice to meet you. I am invited here by (your name)”. (Under the post, place the link to the group to join (or tag the group in Facebook)- https://www.facebook.com/authenticjourneys
I guarantee YOU the best coaching experience I can offer.
YOU guarantee yourself to take action on the coaching sessions. I do not guarantee your outcomes, as you must take responsibility for that!
All sessions will be given via skype or via telephone. Take note I am in IST (India) time zone, so we need to schedule accordingly.
I will give you skype and my phone number. In case the power goes out, you can continue by calling me on the phone. You are responsible for any and all long distance and international calling charges (as you will be calling me).
Cancellations: All sessions won from this contest can be rescheduled only ONCE if an emergency comes up between either coach or client.

Alternatively, if you prefer to buy these sessions as a gift to someone, special rates are in session now. Contact me for details.

All the best! Happy to be part of your cross-cultural Authentic Journeys!!

Happy, Happy Holidays!!

Session Topics Can Include (or you can creatively suggest topics):

FOR INDIANS:
Accent Analysis - watch this video on how to make a video for me to analyze
Communication Review- Did you face a problem with your American professors or boss? Want to analyze it to avoid problems in the future?
Tips on how to Americanize your resume.
Help with planning a move to USA for work, studies or marriage.
Help you brainstorm things to do on your H4 (dependent visa)
Prepare goals to learn more fluent English while living in the USA (or preparing to move to USA).

FOR AMERICANS:
Help you plan a trip or a move to India.
Consult with you on how to set up your kitchen to cook Indian foods.
Help with cross-cultural relationships and friendships with Indians.
Success coaching in working or studying in India.

FOR AMERICANS AND INDIANS:
Personal development topic of your choice.
Educational goal setting.
Career identification or planning.
Spiritual coaching.
Help you address some concerns you have in your cross-cultural relationship, marriage or family.
How to identify yourself living between cultures.

Related Links:
Why choose Jennifer for helping me resolve cross-cultural personal problems?
Success stories from previous clients
Don't hire me without seeing my resume.

America & India Calendar 2012

2011-12-23T15:59:00.007+05:30

Compiled by Jennifer Kumar

Looking for a one-stop-shop where you can get all the holidays of USA and India in one place?

Look no further! This cross-cultural and multifaith calendar showcases:

Over 100 celebrations and observances for 2012
Includes patriotic, national, postal and spiritual holidays for both countries
7 Spiritual Calendars in ONE! – Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Jain, Jewish, Muslim /Islamic and Parsi
Short descriptions of many with links to more detailed descriptions, stories, rituals

…. An easy way for you to get this information straight to your inbox!!

Send me an e-mail by clicking here and I will sign you up to have all these holidays delivered to your inbox. (I promise not to use your email ID for anything but this calendar subscription.)

No need to Google 'when is...' because holidays in this calendar will be e-mailed to you ONE WEEK (SEVEN DAYS) before the holiday happens so you have enough time to wish your friends and family following different calendars!

Sign up today by sending your email ID to me by clicking here or email me directly at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Here’s an embedded form of the same calendar. Enjoy and as always, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Looking for a way to balance your cross-cultural lifestyle, but find it overwhelming? Maybe you just entered a marriage to someone of another religion or culture? Or possibly, after years of marriage, you have yet to find a way to balance yours and your spouse's cultures? Possibly you are thinking about marrying cross-culturally but do not know what to consider to assure a more successful marriage? I am a cross-cultural coach, I am also living a cross-cultural lifestyle in a cross-cultural and multifaith family. I am qualified personally and professionally to help you through coaching! Contact me (Jennifer Kumar) for an initial free assessment at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

How Indians Can Avoid Costly Cross-Cultural Mistakes in America

2011-12-19T20:30:00.006+05:30

Jennifer Kumar explains what Authentic Journeys is all about.

You inspire me. Moving to another country is not easy. Yet, everyday people like you move to America.

Like countless others, you probably came to America for ‘an easier life’ or a ‘better life’ with more opportunities or freedoms. You came with stars in your eyes and high hopes; but nothing could prepare you for the stark reality that followed after your culture shock set in. Navigating American ways and learning how to relate to Americans and be successful in America is different than in India.

You realized that countless hours watching “Friends” and other American television shows in India actually did nothing to prepare you for the real life interactions with Americans. Sometimes the socializing part of daily life becomes so overwhelming due to its difference; some of you isolate yourself or stick only to the Indian groups.

On the flip side, if you do not have the luxury of socializing or going to work (such as spouses on dependant visas), you may start to feel trapped in by the four walls. A misunderstanding of the opportunities in American culture or a basic understanding of the safety protocol in your neighborhood possibly mixed with a fear of doing things alone paralyzes you to stay inside the house. Formally a career woman in India with a busy life and an exciting job, sitting at home cooking food and cleaning the house is draining you of your excitement for life. First days pass by like this; then weeks; then months; and if not identified and remedied this can go on for years. Years will pass by with being stuck inside not understanding what you can do in America to keep occupied outside of the four walls of the house; resentment sets in and the misunderstanding of American culture becomes deeper and deeper.

I can understand both sides of the coin. I am an American who has lived in India; not once but twice. The first time I was single and living in hostels and PGs as a master’s degree student (I earned my Master’s degree from an Indian college). As I write this I am currently living in India a second time as a spouse of an Indian citizen. I am facing some of the same issues you face on a dependant visa but in an environment that doesn’t have the same opportunity to explore myself on my own as in America. I can compare and contrast the two places. With my experience living in Chennai (as a student) and Kochi (as a spouse in an Indian family) and in various places in Northeastern USA, I know a bit about the two cultures intimately to help you to find YOUR answers to the innumerable questions that leave you confused; such as:

How do I come to terms with myself in my new lifestyle?
How can I maintain my traditions in USA?
How can I meet other Indians?
How can I interact with Americans?
Are there community interest groups I can join to make friends?
Is my accent holding me back or is it something else?
How do I make small talk and relate to my American colleagues or strangers on the street?
If I adapt too much in American culture…
…Will my Indian community accept me?
…Will my family recognize me?
...Will I recognize myself?
How will I raise my children in a different culture?
How will my children be affected by being raised differently than their peers?
What will I do if my spouse, my children or I encounter racism?
How will I guide my child through a different social, cultural and academic culture than the one I grew up in and am familiar with?
What happens if I encounter something different? Am I brave enough to ask for help?
How can I take the best of both worlds without compromising my identity and values?

You may wonder why an American would be the best person to help you feel settled in the USA. Since I became involved in the NRI Indian community in US in 1996, I have taken a keen interest to build bridges between our cultures and communities. We have so much to learn from each other. From my personal experience living in India and earning a master’s degree I know my American study habits and individualized approach to learning would have given my teachers no option but to fail me. I would have had to come back to US without a degree. But, I learned the Indian way to be successful and I ended up graduating first class. It was not an easy road because I had to change my mindset and behavior to become successful. I had no guide, no cross-cultural coach. That was my inspiration to do this work in US as I saw so many bright, educated Indians in US with good intentions and ambition but with a clear misunderstanding of how to handle various situations. I have known Indians who have lost good impressions with their professors, made mistakes in job interviews, in fact missing interviews due to not Americanizing their resume properly, and missing out on promotions their American counterparts would have taken without hesitation. All such mistakes cost these Indians dearly in academic standing, reputation, job offers and hefty promotions. Though some may have chalked it up to discrimination and let resentment set in, when these situations were analyzed by me; I found different answers. As a cross-cultural detective, I found out the cultural impressions had by Indians from growing up in India mixed with stereotypes had of American ways (which were untrue) often caused missed opportunities. If I put a dollar amount on these- it can range from a few thousand dollars a year promotion to yearly salaries of US100k or more.

The thing that struck me most and leaves me aching to help you is that many of these costly mistakes were made purely out of misinformation or a lack of correct information. Acting Indian in America can be advantageous, but not in all situations. In particular situations the Indian habits, mannerisms and mindset has prevented well-deserving Indians from missing great opportunities, better career paths and more personal fulfillment.

Since 1996, I have learned the struggles of Indians in America through casual Indian acquaintances, close desi friends and my Indian family. In addition to making mistakes, many Desis in USA (or abroad anywhere, for that matter) are worried how taking up these American ways to achieve success will threaten their Indian identity. I understand your Indian roots, cultural heritage and mother tongue is important to you. I deeply respect that because of my deep affinity for India. I can help you avoid costly mistakes in America while helping you maintain your Indian identity. It sounds like a tall and impossible order; but it can be done. The world is in your hands. Take charge of your destiny.

I am here to help you plan an approach to get your life back on track. Contact your coach, Jennifer Kumar anytime at authenticjourneys@gmail.com for a free one hour session to assess if I can help you.

I am in India, but can meet you via Skype or phone if you are abroad / in USA.

More about Jennifer Kumar's professional qualifications here.

Read Jennifer Kumar's bio here.

Frequently Asked Questions about coaching (FAQ).

Though I specialize in helping Indians, I understand these concerns are faced by immigrants from various countries. I am open to talking with your other international friends in US who are from countries other than India.

Perception: How Others See Us Abroad

2011-12-13T12:08:00.006+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

When we are suddenly thrust into another country and culture, we suddenly ‘stick out.’ Previously, blending into the crowds around us, being one of the masses and having some anonymity now becomes a thing of the past. Our foreign looks or dressing style sets us apart instantly.

Even for those of us moving to similar cultures or countries where we may not stick out by our physical features, locals will know we are outsiders by how we carry ourselves, use our language (even if it is the same language), and how we behave non-verbally.

Where we came from; we knew how to interact with people without thinking much. In those habitual interactions, we were more confident about the impressions we set and therefore the other’s impressions of us. However, in a new culture, conducting ourselves as we always used to may not yield the same results, leaving those we interact with confused or unsure how to read us. Their impression of us will not be what we expected.

The more we stand out from the crowd, the more chance there is we may never feel that we blend in. We will always be new to someone. Naturally, overtime we may begin to question our own self-concept as our self-concept is based on both opinions of ourselves and others opinions of us. Charles Horton Cooley coined the phrase “The Looking Glass Self” to explain this phenomenon. Naturally, each person sees us differently; but those from our native background tend to see us as we want to be seen more than outsiders in most cases. Especially, when adjusting to a new culture, meeting new people all the time, we are continually confronted with others perceptions of us all the time. We do not know how they are judging or perceiving us. Are we making a good impression or a bad impression? Sometimes just being ourselves may not seem like enough when our normal cultural mannerisms, language skills, non-verbal cues and other communicative strategies do not work with those in our new community.

Everyone, regardless of an international move struggles with balancing their identity based on our self perceptions and others perceptions of us (the looking-glass self). However, as we evolve and mature, this process takes on a different meaning when we are abroad. Managing ourselves in a new cultural set-up to communicate the best impression to others can be just as difficult as reading locals and understanding what impression they are leaving us with. As we adjust to the culture, and interact more with the locals, we can become more familiar with local ways; formulating our behavior appropriately to be more sure of having others have a positive perception of us, which in turn leaves a good impression.

Have you faced these perception problems in adjusting to living, working or studying abroad? Feel free to share your experiences below. Thank you.

Jennifer Kumar, author, is a cross-cultural coach. If you are struggling with perception issues abroad and want to talk with someone in a safe, confidential environment, contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Image credits:
Woman looking into mirror - Alec Couros @ flickr used under creative commons.
Looking Glass Self Image - adapted from Wikipedia used under creative commons.

8 English Mistakes Indians Can Avoid When Writing to American Recruiters

2011-12-09T14:51:00.009+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Many bright, well-educated Indians apply for college and jobs abroad. Some of them advise me for help on writing inquiry letters and resumes. Often these forms of communication are considered formal, so people take more care with them. I have noticed that many who are careful with these queries forget to be so careful when writing ‘simple e-mails.’

Though e-mails are considered more casual, it’s best not to treat them as casual. Simple errors if avoided can leave a stunning and memorable impression, while some fatal flaws will leave your queries unanswered and the receiver pressing ‘delete’ before they have even read it.

Follow These 8 Tips:

DO NOT Use Text Messaging Language
Many have good English language skills. Avoid texting language. It doesn’t look professional and minimizes the other person thinking you lack English communication skills. And, if studying abroad, English in most places is a required skill. Writing will be the first place it is analyzed. Leave a good impression by writing out words instead of abbreviating.

DO NOT USE Abbreviations Without Proper Etiquette
Do not assume that those abroad understand India, company or college specific abbreviations. Some abbreviations are acceptable if they refer to the program, and those abbreviations are on the college website. When using abbreviations from India or specific companies or colleges unfamiliar to the reader of your letter, follow this protocol: “Previously, I earned my Master’s degree from Madras Christian College (henceforth, MCC) in India….. At MCC, I was involved in many activities and internships as noted on my attached resume.” Avoid texting abbreviations. Spell words out fully.

DO NOT Forget to Use Greetings and Salutations
Always open with “Dear [Name of Person]:” and end with “Regards” or “Sincerely” or other appropriate closings. For letters to America, avoid the general “Sir” or “Ma’am” without a name as common in some parts of India. Americans like to be addressed by their names. Find their name on the college website and address them accordingly. Sign your name. Always use greetings and salutations in initial inquiries and also follow up and response emails. It looks more neat and professional.

ALWAYS Check Spelling
Run the spell check. Do not limit your spell check to the check that is done automatically through your e-mail program. Double check with your own eyes. Many words have multiple spellings (there/their/they’re) each with different meanings. Sometimes the wrong word gets typed in but is spelled correctly, so this becomes a mistake.

Check How Your E-mail ID Renders
Assure your e-mail ID renders along with your full name in the response e-mails, in the header. The image underneath is a suitable example of email rendering. Assure your name is spelled out fully, (with any titles, if appropriate), and your id is appropriate. The best ids have your name, business name, or related text.

Click on image to see a bigger size.

Have an Appropriate Signature
If a signature is present in the outgoing e-mail assure it adheres to the above protocols. No texting language, words properly spelled and also that any information or links within showcase a good impression of you as serious, well-versed, and professional.

DO NOT Draft Important E-mails in the Browser
When writing a long email covering different topics open Microsoft Word and save a blank document under an appropriate file name and start the draft. Cut and paste it into the browser when ready to send. Few reasons (1) sometimes the browser crashes or lose power (and lose everything), (2) the ‘send’ button can accidentally get pushed before we are done. This sets a bad impression to the reader.

Always Check For Attachments
Assure that if there are attachments to be sent they are indeed attached. Check all the attachments for correct spelling and grammatical errors.

Keep in mind those who receive emails from abroad receive many, many emails. Your email can be one of HUNDREDS. Make yours memorable. Make yours stand out by applying these tips.

"Jennifer helped me improve my English and job interview skills so that I could have a good career and make myself heard" - Past Student. Read more testimonials of past clients. What did they have to say about English and cultural coaching?

If you need help with polishing your resume, essays, cover letters or e-mails, I am available for consult by e-mail as well. Payments done via PayPal or if in India, Demand Draft. Contact Jennifer Kumar, authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Related Links:
Program to help you prepare to study in USA
English Coaching Program

"My Students Like Her Teaching Style"

2011-12-07T12:18:00.012+05:30

Client Testimonial from Gopal(GD)Shrikanth CEO~Coach|Mentor|Strategist GD@GD360.Net. More Testimonials.

Jennifer is an experienced Cross-Cultural Coaching Panelist on my Pan-India Coaching Practice ExecutiveCoachingIndia.Net. I therefore encouraged her to join me for a session, via Skype, in teaching the value of cross-cultural skills to MBA(HR) students at the Chennai Business School, to enable her to discover for herself the "joy" of imparting knowledge and wisdom to students at B-schools across India. I was highly impressed by her well-researched and professionally delivered presentation. My students especially liked her teaching style ... of combining concepts based on her learning and experience AND conversational case studies based on her personal experience gained from living abroad. I would highly recommend Jennifer if you are looking for a Guest Faculty to deliver a cross-cultural soft-skills awareness program.

Gopal(GD)Shrikanth CEO~Coach|Mentor|Strategist GD@GD360.Net, Founder & CEO of India's Premier CEO|Expat|Business|Executive|Leadership Coach Network, Executive Coaching India .Net

Visit GD's website at ExecutiveCoachingIndia.Net.

Margarita Gokun Silver - Expert Panelist

2011-12-06T21:17:00.013+05:30

Margarita Gokun Silver - Expert Panelist

Margarita Gokun Silver is a global nomad, who was born in one country, holds a citizenship of another, and lives in any one place for only 3-4 years. She is passionate about everything different -- different people, different places, and different experiences -- and she believes that experiencing the world from different perspectives stimulates people's unique talents.

Margarita offers expatriate and cross-cultural coaching and training through her company, Global Coach Center. Whether coaching or training, Margarita's focus is on helping her clients develop intercultural competencies and culture-emotion intelligence. Margarita created a proprietary Culture Mastery 4 C's Process™, an effective roadmap for building competencies across cultures, which she uses in both individual and group coaching/training. In addition to in-person coaching and training, Margarita also offers a wide variety of virtual learning resources through the Global Coach Center Online Academy

Feel free to contact Margarita through her website - click here.

Margarita and I have created the online cross-cultural course, Living and Working in the USA. In this multimedia course, individuals can log on any time of the day or night to learn about corporate, social and US national culture. In the training materials are tools to help you calculate your cultural blueprint, compare it to the American blueprint; learn the cultural gaps and identify tactics to close those gaps. The purpose of the course is to help you better understand US culture to be successful in interacting with your American colleagues, business partners and friends while on assignment in USA.

Margarita is on my team of experts. I consult her about:
Cross-Cultural and Expatriate Coaching Strategies
Training Strategies
Business Strategies
Program Creation and Marketing
Partnership Logistics
Russian Culture -- Living and Working in Russia

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

How Our Identity is Tied to Our Values

2011-12-04T20:43:00.011+05:30

Jennifer Kumar

It’s exciting to explore a new place and learn new things. However, as we soon realize our life WILL be different, things AREN’T as we thought they would be and it DOES feel harder to stay connected to our ‘true identity’ than we thought it would be; we become paralyzed.

How can we come to terms with this? How can we stay true to ourselves while adjusting to another culture?

Many of us get caught up in the food differences, dressing style differences, etiquette differences and other cosmetic changes. There is no doubt that daily lifestyle adjustments are required and depending on what is required to be changed or tweaked; it can be a challenge mentally, emotionally and behaviorally. Then, we may think and question ourselves, “If I have to do this and that, but I can’t do this and that I used to do in my country, am I still “me”? Am I still [fill in ethnic identity]?”

The questions of our identity crisis go on and on. It’s understandable. Change is hard. Doing things differently than we were raised to do challenges us. While some thinks these changes enhance our identity, others believe they threaten our identity.

How can we come to terms with this? Through following this….

Six Step Process to Value and Personal Identity Clarification

1. Realize behavior – or outside, cosmetic changes are not what really define us.
Yes, it’s true. How can this be?
Have you ever done anything that was ‘uncharacteristic’ or did not fit your personality? Why did it feel ‘out of place’?
Why did others question you about it?
Possibly, one reason is because the values you held were not in line with the behavior. This becomes clear when we think of ‘simple sins’ like lying, cheating, and stealing.

2. Ask hard questions – and answer with brutal honesty.
(Q1) What values shaped our behavior in our native culture?
(Q2) What values shape our behavior in the new culture?
(Q3) Are these the same values?

3. Come to terms with the answers.
Which answers are the same? Which answers are different?
Is it that our identity is challenged? Or have we changed?
Sometimes, a stark realization occurs. It’s not easy to admit that a value that has driven our behavior in the past, that we thought identified us, isn’t all that great. It doesn’t help us survive or strive abroad. It takes a lot of bravery to admit to this and to take action on it to make one’s life richer, more in line with your true self.

4. Define and Redefine Your Values
Choose about 5-10 values that you have identified from the steps above that you identify with most. Rank these values based on the ones you identify with most.
Then, re-rank them based on which ones you want to really showcase or highlight in your life.

Sometimes the ranking and re-ranking exercise takes time. But, the clearer you can do this, the better results you will get today and into the future.

5. Analyze Your Culture Change Against Your Value Ranking
Choose a few behaviors or mindset changes you have made in your life after moving abroad.
Do any of these line up with the values you have identified as important to you?
If yes – kudos! You are remaining true to you!
If not, where is the gap? What is the problem as you see it?

6. Identify Gaps- Write Goals
Prepare a gap analysis of your values – what values you want in your life (from your ranking) and the values you are aren’t noticing in your life or the values you have ‘broken’ by adapting to a new lifestyle. How can this be changed? How can the unwanted values be eradicated while the desired values be highlighted and bring back your true identity?

This exercise, if done with thoughtfulness and introspection will take time. Many of us live on automatic pilot. We do what others have done before us (tradition). We do what others we see around us doing (so we fit in). But are these actions always good for us? Is doing what everyone else done allowing us to strive or keeping us stuck in the past? These are not easy questions to answer or come to terms with. It’s emotional and life changing.

If you need help exploring yourself through this exercise, contact the author Jennifer Kumar, a trained life coach and social worker to help you explore this from a non-biased, non-judgmental viewpoint. She has over 10 years experience in helping people make long-lasting life changes. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Photo credit: Laurence Currie-Clark creative commons @flickr

Related Posts:
Checklist for Culture Shock
Mother in Law or Monster in Law?
Understanding Culture Shock

T.R.Srinivasan – Expert Panelist

2011-12-02T20:38:00.013+05:30

T.R.Srinivasan – Expert Panelist

T.R.Srinivasan, known on my expert panel casually as "Srini" lives in Chennai, India. I consult him for matters on the English language and also South Indian and Indian culture.

Indian by birth, Srini has traveled extensively throughout India and many other countries including: United States, UK, Germany, Netherlands, Romania, Angola, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Hongkong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and Nepal. Besides traveling and a keen interest in people and social issues, Srini loves reading, movies, music, sports, wild life and dogs.

In addition to gaining his expert advice on the English language, he also provides insight into finer aspects of business management based on his hands on experience of several decades.

Feel free to contact Srini at: trs.trsrini@gmail.com

Srini is on my team of experts. I consult him about:
South Indian Culture
Tamil Language and Culture
Indian English
British English
Business Management
Business & Entrepreneurial Etiquette in India

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

Does Multicultural Living Promote Split Personalities?

2011-12-02T13:25:00.010+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

In interacting with many who have moved to a different culture, including myself, there is this push and pull factor of integration. We want to remain true to ourselves, but are we able to do that while adapting and adjusting our behaviors and mindset? Are we able to remain true to ourselves when the rest of society, including our family back home uses so many labels to define us? What if our behavior veers from those labels? Will be we scorned, teased, misunderstood by those closest to us? Will we fit in with our family anymore? Will our family recognize us? Will we recognize ourselves?

These are questions many struggle with day in and day out in adapting to a new culture. Those of us who either do adapt or appear to adapt and move between cultures ‘easily’ are looked upon in mystery and intrigue by others. While others may think those who change, adapt and integrate are giving up their ‘cultural identity’ or even ‘forgetting who they are.’

In adapting to another culture, we learn new behaviors, ways of talking, non-verbal cues, and thinking. Each person adapts to another culture differently. No two people, not even two twins will adapt the exact same way. All of us have a unique view of the world and what to expect from it. And what we think others expect from us. All the normal formalities, pleasantries and etiquette that define us as any particular nationality come into question when we move and see how others behave differently. In some cases, we learn new things that pleasantly surprise us. If we are open to the environment, we may learn about new ways of thinking or behaving that seem ‘good’ or ‘better than in our native culture’. We may adapt them. But, we may also see things we don’t agree with, and don’t want to adapt. The struggle comes in when the things we disagree with may be ‘required’ to survive in that culture.

All these new things, all these proposed changes question our very self. Sometimes we adapt behaviors unconsciously simply by integrating into the culture and hanging out with locals. Sometimes, we resist or are unable to change because it takes too much effort to think about the correct etiquette in the situation (even after repeated exposure to those situations). We begin to question how to interact and what exactly we know. Aren’t we adults? Weren’t we already socialized to behave? Our parents didn’t mess up with us?

That is true. Our parents did not mess up with us. They socialized us in the only way they knew how. That’s why even when expats raise their kids abroad, kids may end up acting one way at home and one way in society and at school. The home rules drastically different from the school and social rules outside the house. Though these kids can easily change from one cultural persona to the other, many of these children feel they have split personalities. This too, happens to adults as they are adjusting to another culture: unlearning and relearning things they thought they already knew.

Have you experienced any of these things? Do you have children? Have they experienced any of these things? Do share your impressions in the comments below.

This article was inspired by the article “My Son’s Name is Ivan.” This article is about a Croatian-Austrian-American and how she has struggled with cultural identity within herself and among her family members.

Photo credit: Johnny Grim, creative commons, flickr.

Related Posts:
Adapting to American Culture - Remaining Indian at Heart

Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach. She helps people explore their identities and come to terms with change when moving between cultures. Jennifer can also help you with cross-cultural skill building a unique process to help you identify and enhance cross-cultural adaptation skills in your own life for easier global transitions. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com to initiate a conversation with her.

Deepa Madathil – Expert Panelist

2011-11-30T18:44:00.007+05:30

Deepa Madathil – Expert Panelist

Ms. Deepa Madathil, US Education Consultant, has an MS in Biomedical Informatics from Arizona State University. She worked as a Systems Analyst at St. Joseph’s Hospital and a Research Analyst and Biostatistician at Banner Health Hospital in Phoenix before becoming an Assistant Professor at Vellore Institute of Technology (VIT) University. Deepa is an avid watcher of Indian films and loves to solve puzzles in her free time.

Deepa, A.N. Brijesh Nair and I have created the unique program "Chasing the American Dream: From Take Off to Landing a comprehensive program helping Indian students apply for Master’s degree programs in USA. Click here to learn more.

Feel free to contact Deepa at deepa.madathil@gmail.com

Deepa is on my team of experts. I consult her about:
Malayalam / Kerala Culture
Ideas for interacting with Indian students

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

Giving Thanks – Get Addicted!

2011-11-30T16:04:00.003+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

It’s common sense to me that offering and receiving thanks boosts moods. Sincere and heart-felt thanks benefit everyone involved. If I thank you for something, you are happy for being recognized and I am happy for reciprocating the wonderful gesture. If I am thanked for something I did, I would also feel good about myself that I made another pleased. Isn’t that why we thank each other- as we are grateful and appreciate what they have done for us? In a nutshell, it made us happy.

Everyday I like to take a moment to give thanks for the wonderful stuff in my life. As I do this, I appreciate it more; and just as the law of attraction suggests, more great and wonderful stuff comes into my life. It’s like I waved a magic wand; and there it is. As we start appreciating even the mundane things (yes, hubby came home safe and sound today), the things we take for granted (yes, I have clean and safe water to drink), the experiences build on each other and it’s like we open a gold chest everyday with all the awesomeness in our lives.

Now, many may be skeptical and think this is a bunch of positive thinking hogwash. Yes, positive thinking has something to do with it, but not really. I must be positive to be thankful, that’s true; but I am not necessarily using positive thinking skills to fabricate these things. The Saturday Night Live adage of "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me." (Stuart Smalley character’s line from bygone days.) may come to mind. Through thanking others and the universe for providing me my needs and more, I actually start gaining a better self-concept of myself; and visa versa. Those with lower self-concepts may not be as open to seeing the good around them and appreciating it as a positive person with a good self –esteem, so these two concepts – positive thinking and gratitude (thanking others or universe) definitely influence each other. They go hand in hand. I know from personal experience. This experience comes from overlapping experience. There is the first experience of deciding to be more thankful many years ago and enhancing my skills in observation and identification of the wonder in my life until today; and there is the constant practice and enhancement of these skills on a daily basis. On the days I am not so “with it” or I am sick or introverted and don’t recognize the wonder about me, I am disgruntled and out of touch with myself. The more I practice and utilize these skills in gratitude the more happy and at-one I am with the surroundings around me. This helped me considerably when adjusting to Indian culture and overcoming culture shock this year.

How can you start the attitude of gratitude today?

Review your day or moments as they pass. Is there anything that was interesting, fun, amazing? This does not have to be anything out of the ordinary. Did you wake up healthy today? Did your spouse get to eat lunch when normally work comes in the way? Did your child come home safely from school? Did the man that hit your car apologize on his own and offer his insurance information? Were you able to get enough rest and wake up refreshed? What else made the day interesting, memorable, comfortable or easier?

These are things to start noting down in a book or in your mind and give thanks. If it feels too weird to ‘thank the universe’; thank God; and if not god verbalize it to someone in your life. For instance, to your spouse who came home from work, “I am so happy that you’re home. It’s so great that everyday you come home from work and we can spend time together. So many may not have this wonderful experience in their life, but we get to spend time together. I am so happy and thankful for that.”

Yes, at first, it’s going to feel and even sound weird, but over time it will become the status quo. You will find gratitude in the most mundane things. You will start to recognize things that others don’t because you’re more at one with the world, more happy and grateful. May sound hokey, but until you try it, practice it and live it – then you will truly know the power of gratitude!

Side note: The power of gratitude extends far beyond the people involved in the ‘gratitude exchange.’ Sometimes our acts of kindness or gratitude are spread to others. Those others may come to us later and surprise us with a special Thank You. That will make anyone’s day!

Thank you for reading.

This article was inspired by Thanksgiving DOES pay off: Why our bodies and brains pay us back for being grateful.

Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach living in Kochi, India. She is available in person or via Skype for consultation. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Dr. A.N. Brijesh Nair – Expert Panelist

2011-11-29T23:03:00.006+05:30

Dr. A.N Brijesh Nair – Expert Panelist

Dr. A.N. Brijesh Nair, US Educational Consultant, has an MS & PhD in Civil & Environmental Engineering from Arizona State University. He worked as a design engineer for five years at Wilson Engineers , Phoenix, AZ before moving back to India. He currently is an Associate Professor in Vellore Institute of Technology (VIT) University. Brijesh enjoys playing cricket and blogging in his spare time.

Brijesh blogs passionately on topics related to Indian culture, politics and NRI issues at Scaling New Heights.

Brijesh, Deepa Madathil and I have created the unique program "Chasing the American Dream: From Take Off to Landing a comprehensive program helping Indian students apply for Master’s degree programs in USA. Click here to learn more.

Feel free to contact Brijesh at brijeshnairan@gmail.com

Brijesh is on my team of experts. I consult him about:
Indian culture
NRI Issues in USA
Malayalam / Kerala Culture
Indian English
Educational Systems in India
College Student Engagement in India
Business & Entrepreneurial Etiquette in India

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

Giselle Buonomo – Expert Panelist

2011-11-28T23:46:00.009+05:30

Giselle Buonomo – Expert Panelist

Giselle Buonomo a life-long Rochester resident, is a life coach with a focus on self-discovery and mastery.

Through her own personal transformations, Giselle has become enlightened to the fact that everything, in life, begins with the self. Her goal and passion is to "empower" those who wish to, truly, know themselves and find purpose in their lives. Giselle appreciates the wisdom of the tarot cards. She studies them and uses them for self-development. Her number one passion is people... learning from them, learning about them...what makes them tick, helping them find their way...being inspired by them and just enjoying being able to spend quality time with them. She loves the fact that there are so many AWESOME individuals in this world!! Giselle has an amazing talent of finding life lessons in songs and movies. Her favorite song is “I’m Tired” by Savoy Brown, and a few of her favorite movies include Starman, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and The Elephant Man.

To learn more about Giselle and what she offers through the Self Realization Foundation, please visit her website at http://www.theselfrealizationfoundation.com

Feel free to contact her by e-mail at gbuonomo@live.com.

Giselle is on my team of experts. I consult her about:
Life Coaching Strategies
Self-Development & Mastery
Coaching program ideas

Giselle I appreciate that no matter what comes your way, you always stay true to you! You are really living authentically on your authentic journey! What an honor to know you!

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

Mother in Law or Monster in Law? An Exercise in Self-Improvement

2011-11-28T19:14:00.007+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

With the intense hold some mother in laws have over their sons, wives often feel they have tied the knot with their mother in law and not their husband (as so rightly depicted in the image attached to this article).

Mother in laws the world over have a bad reputation. Mother in law jokes abound. The unfortunate truth is that jokes have a kernel of truth in them. But why do mother in laws have such a bad name?

Rather than explore specific cultural details which are slightly different from culture to culture, I will state for the record I have seen mother in law problems in the two cultures I am familiar with- India and America. One truth in these problems rises from the mother not wanting to let go of her son and the other from deeply held societal and traditional conventions.

In a nutsell, these mother in law problems are more or less a learned behavior. Growing up, young girls constantly get messages from their mothers, aunts, cousins, friends, neighbors and the inevitable media on how to be a ‘good mother in law.’ Besides getting messages from females, girls get messages loud and clear from the males in their lives about the gender roles and the standing of a mother to a son and a wife to a mother in law. Nothing seems to be challenged. It’s conventional. It’s traditional. It’s just the way it is.

But does it have to be?

To this, I say a resounding NO.

Of course not all mother in laws are monster in laws, but to date in India and US when problems arise between husband and wife, the husband may want to talk to his family while the wife secretly prays her husband avoids telling his mother. She just doesn’t want to hear it yet again from the mother in law who most of the time is sweet but at other times positively monster-ly.

When a female is a mother with a son she swears she won’t be like all the mother in laws before her. She won’t be like her mother in law. But she feels guilty. Aren’t all those women good too? They are in my family, why should I shun them? These women forget that it’s not the person who’s bad if we shun the bad behavior- it’s just the behavior that’s bad.

The first step is identifying the bad behavior. This can be quite easy. If a mother in law (hence forth MIL) mistreats a daughter in law (hence forth DIL), the DIL should note down- mentally or physically in a notebook. Note the behavior and how it made you (DIL) feel. Remember more than the behavior, it’s the feelings that we want to avoid instilling in future DILs. But, at the same time to change the outcome, the path that initiates the outcome needs to be changed. This takes much self-reflection and being in the moment on terms of the DIL when she become a MIL to do. Plus, she will have to remember decades back on the behavior and the resulting feelings. This is the purpose of referring back to the notebook. It’s not to relive the bad feelings and memories but to refresh these things as a catalyst to do different. To BE different.

All this is not an easy process. We need help through this process because it’s not always easy to see our behavior for what it is – objectively. Not even our own family or friends can be so objective. They have a stake in it too. If others in the family see us change, they may resist it. They may challenge us on why do we have to be different. Just do as all the MILs in our family have done for generations – mistreat the DIL in any case, she’s expecting it.

Of course any DILs dream is to have a caring, supporting MIL who doesn’t mistreat her and always side with her son. After all her son and her are a partnership, and all of them together are a family. There must be a different way. And, of course some DILs get the dream MIL and become suspicious. Or the DIL gets a monster-in-law who reads this kind of article, reflects and attempts to make changes to create better relationships. Yes, at first the DIL will be skeptical of such change. The DIL may even wonder if the MIL is plotting against her or looking for something from her. But, the DIL also has to be patient and if the DIL sees the MIL taking constant and repeated efforts to DO and BE different this will be the living apology and testament she needs to realize that true change can happen and MILs can actually be like a second (or in some cases, first) mother.

Thank you for reading.

Image in this article is from The Hindu, November 27, 2011. This article is inspired by the article that accompanies that image, No Space of her own for the Daughter-in-Law.

Jennifer Kumar, author is a cross cultural coach. If you’d like coaching on behavior change in a family situation, please contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

India Study Abroad Cross-Cultural Preparation

2011-11-28T16:44:00.010+05:30

Client Testimonial from Nazareth College Department of Social Work. More Testimonials.

While planning a short term study abroad program for eleven MSW graduate students from Nazareth College in January 2011, we had the pleasure of consulting with Jennifer Kumar

regarding cultural milieu of Kerala, India. It was important for all participating in the study abroad program to be advised on cultural awareness. Jennifer came highly recommended and proved to be extremely knowledgeable in both Indian customs/traditions and culture as well as travel preparations. She also familiarized students and faculty concerning everyday interactions and routines to anticipate such as greetings, cultural etiquette, appropriate clothing, and meals that greatly assisted in everyone’s transition while in Kerala. She provided contacts in the Malayalam community in Rochester for us to expand our connections. The students thoroughly enjoyed her group presentation and benefited from her knowledge. Jennifer’s openness to answer any question posed and her candor in answering was welcomed. She exhibited professionalism, warmth, and a caring attitude throughout every consultation. We highly recommend her to anyone in need of her specialized skills and services, and look forward to connecting with her in Kochi in our next study abroad planned for January 2013.

Dr. Carol Brownstein-Evans, PhD, LMSW, ACSW
Professor Mark A. Primus, LMSW

More about Nazareth College Department of Social Work, click here.

Blog from American Students vising Kochi, India (Rajagiri)

Not Your Typical “Desi Tourism”

2011-11-28T12:25:00.003+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

The myth of the low-spending “Desi tourist” is broken. No longer are Desis traveling on shoestring budgets or for the sole reason of visiting relatives abroad.

When I am asked as an American what do I like best about India, one of the things I have noticed especially in Kerala is that a typical middle-class, well-educated family is well-aware of the world, global cultures, speaks multiple languages and has children that by the age of 17 have traveled to two to five countries. I would venture to say this is a ‘better global travel’ record than a typical American child in the same economic and educational bracket. There are many reasons for this, but I’d like to focus this article on the Desi (meaning Indians from India) side of the equation.

The Hindu Newspaper recently ran an article entitled "The New Desi Globetrotter" which throws much light into this topic. A few interesting insights include:

Destinations
Here is a list of preferred destinations mentioned in the article:

Australia
Bali
Indonesia
Ireland
Jordan
Macau (China)
Malaysia
New Zealand
Poland
Singapore
South Africa
South Korea
Spain
Turkey
United Arab Emirates
United Kingdom
United States

Economic Factors

The number of families with disposable income is on the rise.
DINKs or Double Income families with No Kids is on the rise. DINKs account for an average of two foreign travels a year; but can indulge in up to five per year.
Indian travel agencies with attractively priced package tours coupled with lower airfares have fueled these changes. (Though this will quickly change with the recent rise in airfares.)
“Easy loans” also available for foreign travel.
“Experimental holidays” to atypical Indian tourist locations on the rise.

Statistics

The number of outbound Indian travelers has increased by 7 to 9 million to 13 million since 1997.
An average rate Indians pay for hotels abroad is Rs7,000 per night (US$140). This is more than an average tourist from U.K., Germany, France and Singapore.
Indians pay on average about US$800 (Rs.40,000) per trip which is about US$200 (Rs.10,000) than tourists from other countries.
For at least the last seven years, Indians were the highest spending tourists in places like Malaysia and Singapore.
One reason for high spending Indian tourists is the lure of plentiful and good quality products available abroad (aka shopping).

Though it’s not new for Desis to pack suitcases to visit their families who live in every nook and cranny of the world, it’s only in the last decade or so that more Indians have opted for more personal trips to places their NRI relatives don’t live. When asking a few people in Kochi where they want to travel; a typical person in this bracket mentions with reckless abandon places like Singapore, Thailand, Japan, Spain (maybe due to the recent trend in shooting Indian films there), France, and the always popular honeymoon destination – Switzerland. One of the main reasons for this is as India continues to develop; travel within the country is not always easy and may not give the ‘exotic feel’ of far away or even the many nearby countries in the Middle East, South and South East Asia.

Images in this article are taken by the author, Jennifer Kumar. The first image is of a newspaper ad featuring trips to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and Mauritius. The second image is of a world map as displayed on an Etihad flight from New York City to Abu Dhabi (UAE).

Author Jennifer Kumar is an American living in India helping resolve cross-cultural concerns between Indians and Americans to promote friendship and good working relationships. Find her on Facebook.

Related Posts:
"The New Desi Globetrotter"
Kingfisher and what ails Indian aviation sector
Spain, a big hit with Indian tourists

Cristina Canas Delgado – Expert Panelist

2011-11-27T22:51:00.006+05:30

Cristina Canas Delgado – Expert Panelist

Cristina Canas Delgado, originally from Spain has lived in her native country and U.K before moving to India in 2010 after marrying cross-culturally.

She is intensely interested in learning about different cultures, and people. Being fluent in Spanish and English; she’s now taking on Hindi as a third language. Having a bachelor’s degree in English Philology from Spain and English courses completed in U.K. and U.S.A., she currently teaches Spanish and English both at classroom and corporate levels in Bangalore. Cristina enjoys traveling, reading and writing in her free time.

Cristina has two blogs. Namaste India (Stories about India in English) and Cris en la India (Stories about India in Spanish).

Reach Cristina at cristinacanasd@gmail.com. She is also available for private Spanish or English tuition in Bangalore.

Cristina is on my team of experts. I consult her about:

Spanish culture
European Culture
Language Teaching Strategies

Cristina I appreciate the open minded spirit and determination that you teach us through your Authentic Journey.

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

Anjana Warren - Expert Panelist

2011-11-26T10:23:00.011+05:30

Anjana Warren - Expert Panelist

Anjana Warren hails from a multilingual, multicultural background. She is passionate about understanding people of the world. Being married cross-culturally and living an expat life is a natural for her as she has intense interest in learning about different cultures, languages and culinary palates.

Being fluent in Hindi, Malayalam, Punjabi, English, Thai, Tamil, and Spanish is it no wonder her passion lies in cross-cultural understanding. Having an MPhil in English and a PhD in Indo-American Immigrant Literature, she currently lives in Thailand where she teaches English as a Second Language. She enjoys traveling and cooking international cuisine.

Feel free to contact her at warren_anjana@yahoo.com Anjana is on my team of experts.

I consult her about:

English Teaching (ESL/ESOL)
Teaching Strategies
Lesson Planning Student Engagement and Relationship Building
Cross-Cultural Communication
Indian Culture Ettiquette
Logistics regarding technical and internet communication

Thank you Anjana for the great passion and experience you bring to our world; enhancing our Authentic Journeys.

More Panel Of Experts.... Click Here

What’s it Like to Marry an NRI and Move to USA?

2011-11-25T09:14:00.005+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Did you know there are some Indian women who resent the fact they had to marry an NRI because they did not want to move abroad or they were misled about the situations abroad?

This is certainly a touchy topic, but it must be discussed. Of late, I have come across many articles or comments on blogs from NRI women who after their arranged marriage, moved to USA and after the initial euphoria of ‘America’ has worn off, resented the fact that they had to move out of India away from their friends and family. Life in America was not what they expected and they wish their parents and family did not force them to marry and move abroad. Often these commenters are anonymous; they suffer in silence for fear of disappointing their families. They don’t want to be seen as the ‘odd one out’ or the complainer. Compounded to that is the fact that those who move abroad for marriage are in a majority of cases, women, women from many cultures are less likely to break the family harmony then the men.

I want to create awareness about this topic. I understand there are many sides to this issue. It is not so clear cut as marry and live in India or abroad (though for some there is no doubt). Of course there are many questions one can ask in preparation for this life changing event; however they are rarely asked as the idea of marrying and immediately moving abroad may seem normal to a certain subset of Indians. Families and parents should keep in mind that compounding two major life changes – marriage and a move – that, too a move abroad will be fraught with emotions and stress should be taken with consideration. Understanding the individual coping mechanisms of the to-be bride is imperative as the mental, emotional, physical and social stress of moving abroad (culture shock) is not easy for everyone to cope with.

Since many Indians do this, marry and move away to numerous countries around the globe, many may think it’s not a big deal. So many before me have done this; maybe even my parents have done this or my siblings or my best friend; so can I. They never complained. So, they must have enjoyed being abroad. They probably didn’t have any problems; so neither will I.

Possibly some of these thoughts stem from being raised in a collectivist or group culture. To question these things that seem normal and no one has objected to before may mark one as disrespectful or ‘going against the family’ (group). This has been termed ‘herd mentality’ by some Indians I have talked with in US. This herd mentality forces people to stay silent out of respect for their elders and the group. This herd mentality suppresses the individual needs of a particular person – the positive and the negative.

So, to break the silence on some of these issues, I would like to YOU TO SHARE a few things related to this topic.

NRI brides: Share you misconceptions before leaving, realities after arriving and what you wish you knew ahead of time. Would you have done anything differently?

Parents of to-be or already married NRI brides: What factors did you consider in marrying your daughter to someone abroad? What were the main reasons for this choice? Were factors of marriage adjustment and cross-cultural adjustment factored in? Was it considered or assumed it would be ok? What did you learn after your daughter’s marriage you wish you knew before hand?

Feel free to share your thoughts or experiences in the comment box below. Anonymous commenters welcome.

Related Posts:
Questions to Ask Before Marrying and Moving Abroad (Self-Help)
An Exercise in Coping with Culture Shock
What's it like to live abroad?

Author and moderator of the comments in this post, Jennifer Kumar is an American living in India and married to an Indian. She has experience coaching other NRI brides in USA and has been actively involved in NRI communities in USA for ten years previous to moving to India. This current move to India is her second. She previously lived in India earning her Master’s degree in Social Work from Madras Christian College. If you’d like to talk with her about your daughter’s or your own plans on marriage and move, contact her for details on coaching at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

What’s it Like to Live in Another Country?

2011-11-24T22:38:00.004+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

For those of us who have lived outside our native country, this basic question and their answers are taken for granted. We want to look deeper to learn more about the culture, lifestyle and other factors of the places we will move to or find ourselves living in. For us global nomads, we sometimes forget there are people who have never lived away from home whether inside their own state or country let alone country.

Those who have not lived outside of their native countries may classify those who have left anything between mysterious and deserters. Those who never leave may have assumptions about what life is like in another country. Whatever country someone moves to, there will be some general aspects that will be different. Here are a few things that will be different in another country. These things will affect the lifestyle and make it imperative that adjustments would need to be made to bring back some kind of ‘normalcy’ to life.

Holidays Are NOT the Same
Growing up and living in one place for a long time means one will get used to festivities and special occasions celebrated by those in our community. We may think ‘everyone celebrates this holiday’ but this just is not true. We may intellectually understand this, of course, but once abroad and realizing the school or work schedule doesn’t allow for the time away from work; we quickly realize “This holiday is not important to the people here.” We also feel it as the ‘holiday feeling’ is not in the air. People are not talking about it or preparing for it. Sometimes even the things we relied on back home to decorate our home with, buy as gifts or even eat during the celebratory meal simply are not available. We have to make do with the local ways. Sometimes we can find replacements, sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we can celebrate the holiday on the given day; sometimes we wait until the weekend when we aren’t working. Sometimes we invite others from our country to our home to create the feeling as they will feel the holiday more than the locals. But, of course, we are always happy to invite locals to teach them about our culture and share it with others.

Weather is NOT the Same
Differences in the climate can happen even when moving within the same country, of course. When we base the calendar on the feel of the climate, and the climate doesn’t change, we can feel disoriented and unable to ‘tell time’. It is not only the physical weather patterns that can trick our brain, but living in a different time zone and noticing that the sun rises or sets at a different time than where we come from as well. All these things affect our internal clock. They may not bother us much on a short vacation, but on a long term stay it can disorient us. We also expect certain kinds of weather during certain holidays. Take away the holiday, take away the weather, and one can feel completely disoriented.

People’s Behavior is NOT the Same
Living in one culture for any amount of time, we can with some accuracy predict how people will act. Of course, there are always exceptions based on personality traits of particular individuals, but most of the time in our native environments we can make quick assessments of people based on various factors. Sometimes we can assess trustworthiness based on someone’s facial expressions, tone of voice or other attributes. But, living in another country, especially where a different language is spoken, this sometimes becomes suddenly impossible to assess. We can become confused because the normal social cues we acted on instinctively before; without thinking; now become an exercise in mind control. We can become easily overwhelmed and physically and emotionally exhausted when re-learning to socialize abroad.

People do NOT Speak the Same Language
DUH! Says the Americans! This is obvious in some cases, and not in others. In obvious cases, we may try to learn the ‘foreign language,’ but still come to find out even after years of learning and even becoming fluent we may not be understood. Our attempts seem in vain. There may be many reasons for this. One I have come across as a coach is the fallacy that a language can be spoken as a translation language. For a language to be understood by the locals of that area, it must be spoken like a local in the way they speak it with the slangs, emotions (or lack there of), word choices, intonation and other aspects of the local language. Culture also plays a big part in language. Without understanding the local culture, even with testing assessment (such as TOEFL or IELTS) fluency, locals may not be able to truly understand the second language learner. The other fallacy is believing that because they speak THE SAME language, I don’t need to adjust my language fluency to be understood. The most blatant example of this is English. English is spoken in so many countries, but it’s not actually the same English. Grammatically, it may be the same, but the practical usage is different. This would be the same case with other languages such as French, Spanish, Chinese, Tamil, Arabic and others that are spoken in multiple countries (or regions).

This is just a small sampling of differences people face when moving abroad. These differences affect lifestyle, thinking patterns, language usage, food habits, and daily living. With all these differences, it’s no wonder people face culture shock- even when the two countries that a person moves between appears to have similar cultures. If we know a little about what makes life different in different places, it can help us better understand what life is like when our friends or family move abroad. We can be sympathetic when they live away for a long time and ‘call a little late’ on a special holiday or call crying because they couldn’t eat their favorite foods for a long time or complain of isolation due to not being able to talk to locals. Help your friends or family members identify if these factors become too problematic and the culture shock too intense. Try to help them overcome the culture shock. Be proactive.

Thank you for reading

Related Posts:
Improve your English Conversational Skills (VIDEO)
Professional Coaching for Culture Adjustment and Culture Shock
Checklist for Culture Shock

Author, Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach. If you need help deciding moving between US and India for work, studies or daily life, contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Impartial Advice on Handling Situations in USA

2011-11-24T19:21:00.010+05:30

Client Testimonial from an Indian Student in USA. More Testimonials.

Hi all,

I am an Indian student in the US. I came to know about Jennifer via a youtube video I saw. I wrote to her asking general questions about:

1) How to politely refuse an invitation from an American for a party or other gathering. Since we come from a different culture, what we do in our home country may not be polite here. Also, how to ask someone for a date and who pays on those dates.

2) How to handle a rude clerk at a supermarket and a professor who starts shouting if we approach him/her.

3) How to handle neighbors who are playing loud music.

Since I am an international student I could not afford to pay her.
She was very understanding. She made a text version and a video version of the answer to the first question. Jennifer also explained in detail, on whom I can contact in the organization and the university, and remain anonymous if I want to. I was really impressed by the amount of time she spent in typing the replies to my emails. She did her best to explain things in detail.

In spite of being an American she was not talking only in favor of Americans and was giving a impartial view of what needs to be the correct behavior on the part of the rude clerk or the Professor and how I could address the situation with their superiors.

I am very thankful to Jennifer for the advise she has given as it has made me feel more comfortable in handling situations in American culture. [sic]

My Team of Experts

2011-11-24T17:12:00.015+05:30

Compiled by Jennifer Kumar

Who is on my Panel of Experts?

Anjana Warren

Dr. A.N. Brijesh Nair

Cristina Canas Delgado

Deepa Madathil

Giselle Buonomo

Margarita Gokun Silver

T.R.Srinivasan

Why Do I have a Panel of Experts?

Though I am self-employed and work from home, I can't work in isolation.

Even the best coaches who say 'the answer is inside' consult others from time to time on various personal and professional matters to get a second, third or fourth opinion.

This is the same with me. I do not work in isolation. Over the years, when I couldn't find the right answer or needed technical assistance on the finer points of business, English, coaching skills or anything else, I reached out to a circle of wonderful people who I'll introduce to you here.

I am posting this on Thanksgiving 2011. Last year I shared the Giving Gratitude Series, where I thanked people who helped me through out the year. This year, until 2012, I will introduce you to people who I consult with and also companies, clients and others who have made my life richer by being part of it. Sharing their expertise was always treated with great respect. Their expertise was never taken for granted, but treated as a special gift. I appreciated it then, appreciate it now, and will continue to appreciate it.

Thank you.

Keep tuned to this post or my blog for updates to learn who are the influential people in my life.

Thank you for reading.

Related Posts:
Giving Gratitude Video Series - 2010

Is a Vacation to India Always Fun?

2011-11-19T13:34:00.013+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Being lulled into slumber laying beach side under a coconut tree or umbrella, being served tender coconut water in a coconut, while watching others leisurely stroll by leaving their footprints in the sand as they pick up shells and leave their cares behind.

This may be the split second imagery a typical American may get in their mind when a coworker, friend or employee prepares to take a vacation to India.

An NRI Vacation: Not Always a Day at the Beach

Of course visions of Taj Mahal, temples, and other landmarks may pop into their head, but when an American especially from a ‘cold part of America’ hears someone taking days off to go to a hot place, this kind of scene may play in many of their imaginations. And, while seeing that in their mind’s eye they wish you a ‘fun time in India.’

Little do they know, the reality of many India vacations is not filled with relaxing beachside moments, but hectic family visits, family administrative tasks and other family obligations. The fun comes in the form of shopping, eating, hanging out with friends and family (usually not at a beach!).

So if you ever wondered, “What do my Indian friends, employees or coworkers do on their vacations to India?” here is an abbreviated to-do list of various things your Desi friends may have on their ‘vacation’ to-do lists:

Classes for Personal Development – Some may come to India to take meditation, yoga or meditation classes for recreational purposes.
Celebrating Indian Festivals and Family Functions - Though family functions and holidays are hectic regardless of India or America, some Indians think of these events as ‘killing two birds with one stone.’ Attending one or two get togethers is much easier than traveling to everyone’s house personally. These events come in the form of formal parties, engagements, weddings, baby naming ceremonies, birthday parties, and various holiday get togethers for holidays like Diwali, Onam, Eid, and Christmas.
House and Property Buying– Indians want to buy property in India. Meeting with brokers to purchase undeveloped land, newly built homes or possibly book homes in up and coming gated communities.
Investing – Trips to banks are made for a wide range of NRI investment opportunities. There are many banks that cater specifically to NRIs in this regard.
Property Management- NRIs who own homes in India may own homes that lie vacant. These houses are purchased solely for investment purposes. Some NRIs will use these homes as their ‘vacation home’ when they come to India, while others rent these houses out to NRIs that move back to India or partner with companies to rent the house as a paying guest accommodation. It is during visits to India that the NRI may come in person to check on the smooth functioning of the home and book any maintenance that is required.
Shopping – saris, kurtas, gold, kitchenware, holiday and celebratory decorations and party favors (for Indian holidays to be celebrated in USA at a later date), food items, and basically anything else desired under the sun. Some NRIs even go car shopping to buy vehicles for their family members.
Training and Work – Though your Indian colleagues will be on ‘vacation’ and gone for up to a few months, sometimes there is an understanding that they will be doing “work from home in India”. Depending on ones job, some may be doing work from home, while others may actually be making site visits to offices, clients or fields where projects are being undertaken. Some others may also be attending professional development training in cities away from their hometown. Others may actually be forging networking connections for your company to expand in India for offshoring or outsourcing projects. Some workers may actually be doing research to move back to India on behalf of the company for expansion in India.
Visiting Family and Friends – The network of family and friends can boggle the mind of most Americans!
Health care- Visits to the family doctor for small or major medical requirements, opticians, dentists, and numerous other allopathic doctors can be consulted. In addition, some may consult with ayurvedic, homeopathic, and natropathic doctors. Generally NRIs settled in the West do not return to India for giving birth, but some NRIs do return to India to deliver babies and be at home with their parents after the delivery.
Caring for Sick or Dying Relatives – Some Indians take ‘vacation days’ to come to India to care for their sick, ailing or dying relatives. Especially if your Indian colleague is the eldest son in the family, he may be responsible for coordinating funeral arrangements, taking care of the passing rituals or coordinating death anniversary rituals. If your colleague or employee is going to India to manage these heartbreaking details, keep in mind many Indians observe one year of bereavement. During that one year, the person and his family would avoid big parties, grand holiday celebrations and other festivities. If he or she opts out of attending work related Christmas parties, Fourth Of July parties or other related festivities within a year of their family member’s passing away, be sympathetic of these customs.
Site Seeing – If time exists, people may go site seeing. For many, this may not even be on the list of things to-do if the list is already packed with the things already mentioned above.

If vacation is defined as "planned time spent not working," how many Desis live up to this idealistic definition on their regular trips back home? Even those who ‘plan’ holidays to hill stations or landmarks have reported at times feeling so rushed they forgot their cameras or to take photos, or had to cancel their plans altogether because of logistical travel headaches, family sicknesses or other emergencies. Of course, there are Indians visiting home who do have completely relaxing and enjoyable memories without a care in the world. Most likely students enjoy this scenario more than those Indians growing up through their career and family life. Do keep these things in mind when your Indian friends go away to India. They have a lot of obligations and plans when traveling home and it’s often way more hectic than staying back in America for a staycation!

Thank you for reading.

Photo Credit: Peter Roome @flickr Used Under Creative Commons.

Related Posts:
Myths of Returning to India
Tackling the Issues of Hiring NRIs
Special Challenges of Moving NRI Children to India

Author, Jennifer Kumar helps bridge the divide of cultural understanding between Indians and Americans. She provides a range of programs and services to individuals, families, students and corporate to ease the transition between cultures. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

How Do I Get Help for Culture Shock?

2011-11-18T14:40:00.008+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

When moving to another country, we can become blinded by love. If you ever were so excited to go abroad, then shocked after a few days, weeks or months after living there, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Being enamored with life abroad; we sometimes think ‘the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.’ The fondness we entered the country can be replaced with resentment, fear of newness or inability to adjust when we encounter simple things that we cannot understand. As we encounter so many new things and try to learn from our experiences; exhaustion can set it. It’s tiring to keep learning new things; things we thought we already knew because we’re adults. Because of confusion and exhaustion, we may revert back to our ‘normal ways’ and may unknowingly misbehave. When this happens others may not understand how to help us and in their impatience are rude to us, ignore us or isolate us. This only creates more fear inside of us to go out into the new world we once were fascinated with, stay at home ‘clam up’ and ‘retreat into our shells’. We may feel comfort in our own home, among our own friends and family from our own culture; but the kinds of comfort that keeps us isolated also increases our resentment when we still are unable to do simple day to day tasks we used to be able to do. In short, we find it hard to enjoy life the same way that we used to.

This is culture shock. It may not be so extreme for you. Everyone has some degree of culture shock when moving away from home. It’s natural. We have to learn new things to adjust to our new surroundings. We have to understand ways localites think and behave. We may have to adjust our mindsets or behavior accordingly. Change is scary. We also feel a lack of connection with our identity or native culture at these times. Are we being traitors to ourselves; our culture; our very identity if we ‘break down’ and change?

Culture shock and adaptation is a loss; and it is real. In order to gain new things; we do lose some ‘old things.’ Even if we never moved away from home; we’d still grow and change but it just wouldn’t seem so drastic, out of place or uncomfortable. We’d accept change easier at home, because it’s in a comfortable place among ‘our people’ and ‘our culture.’ But, abroad this is not the case.

The first step to helping ourselves out of culture shock is recognizing this us vs. them mentality as mentioned in the previous paragraph. It is never India vs. America or them vs. us. Though comparisons are natural to make sense out of things, when they are exclusively used as a way to ‘cope’ adjustment will be halted and we close ourselves down to the possibilities and opportunities that surround us in the new culture. So, how can we help ourselves out of culture shock?

Once we identify our culture shock, we should talk to others who have gone through culture shock. What caused their culture shock? What were some things they did to overcome it? How long did it take? Do they still have culture shock? Why or why not? Ask any other questions that come to your mind.

After collecting information, stories, and tips to overcome culture shock from your friends and family, sit down and write them all down. Use their ideas to brainstorm more ideas – your own ideas of how you can overcome culture shock. Rank all the ideas based on ones you’d want to start working on today. After ranking them, take the top three and create goals for yourself on how you’d use those tips or advice to overcome culture shock.

Take action against culture shock today!

If you try this culture shock self-help exercise and you need assistance at any part of the process, another avenue you can tap into for helping you overcome culture shock is working with a cross cultural coach. The author of this post is a cross cultural coach currently living in India for a second time. She has experience adapting to Indian culture and also experiencing reverse culture shock while moving back to her home country of US in between her stays in India. Jennifer has created special programs for Indians moving to USA as students or corporates. Contact Jennifer Kumar at authenticjourneys@gmail.com for more information.

Related Links:
Going to USA to Study? Prepare Cross-Culturally through learning mindset, personality development and soft-skills that will help you be successful as a student. Click here for more information.

Going to USA to work? Learn about American National Culture, Corporate Culture, Proverbs, and Create your American Cultural Blueprint to understand your adaptability quotient. Click here for more information.

If you’d like one to one personal coaching, consulting or classes for adjusting to American or Indian culture before or after your move, contact Jennifer Kumar at authenticjourneys@gmail.com

Do Indian Students Still Prefer USA?

2011-11-17T18:32:00.008+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

A recent visit to a study abroad fair in Kochi, India was an eye opener for me. First shock was out of the 50 or so vendors, all were recruitment centers. Very few, if any, were actual overseas college with representatives from abroad. Second shock was the wide variety of countries and academic programs showcased.

No longer is engineering, computer science or medicine the main pull factors to study abroad. Management studies abroad have been on the rise among Indian students over the past few years. This is especially true as more and more MBA programs are springing up all over India and to gain ‘credibility’ they pair themselves with a college abroad to create ‘twinning programs’ (first year in India, second abroad where the degree is granted). Besides these subjects; nursing, social work, graphic design, hotel management, cooking (chef studies) and other arts, humanities and creative degrees seem to be advertised heavily.

It is also important to note out of the fifty or so vendors, less than half heavily advertised placements in America. Countries such as UK, Australia, New Zealand and Canada were no surprises, while other countries like China, Malaysia, Singapore, Germany, Ireland, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Czech Republic, Mauritius, France and other European nations also were represented.

Why are Indian students choosing other destinations? Here are a few of my impressions after coaching Indian students and living in Kochi for almost one year:

Head rules over Heart
Though many Indians may long for the American Dream, many opt for a cheaper way out that continues to deliver a quality education. As more colleges in US limit funding and scholarships to Indian students; many Indians entering US as undergrads and grads alike have taken the big burden on their head of student loans. They want to assure they will be able to pay these loans back. Since the US economy has weakened, and finding jobs after graduation is not so easy anymore, we are seeing Indians return to India not out of want at times, but need. No job in US means they must return to India and repay these debts from rupee salaries. This is not a good situation for many, so they get lured by the programs that promise “Study, Work, Migrate.” Ads, like this one from the Philippines shown in this article are common in India and seen almost everyday I step outside the house in Kochi.

Heart Rules Over Head
There are a subset of younger Indians who want to use Study Abroad not to permanently move abroad (as their previous generations did), but as a stepping stone to get a good education, access to better facilities and rack up experience to come home and work and live in India. This means, that choosing a destination that is either offering more scholarships or charges less fees allows this freedom to come back home to India with no strings attached is certainly an attractive option.

Been There, Done That
There are many families in India that already have at least one if not more than one relative living, studying or settled in USA. Having heard a lot about US, or even having had visited there has taken away the mystery of it. Some younger Indians want to explore territories not yet so popular among Indians.

Keeping some of these factors in mind, it is more easily understood why the numbers of Indians coming to study in USA have reduced by 1% or about 1,000 students between 2009-2010 academic years according to recent Open Doors Surveys. Though the numbers have reduced, Indians without a doubt will still continue to come to America. One way to assure success and overcome the hurdle of unemployment is to be prepared cross-culturally before even leaving India for US. Understanding the mindset and culture from an insider perspective can help you get a leg up on really understanding how to get good grades, interact and make friends, and the most important aspects of how to network and gain skills for career development. If you’d like to know more about this cross-cultural pre-departure program, click here. Also for those already in USA, this seminar is also helpful for you or you can choose to work with me one to one on career clarification and development from day one of your landing in US so you’re not scrambling at the last minute to be employer-ready.

Thank you for reading this article.
**Author of the post and blog owner has no ties to the ad or company showcased in this post. The ad is for demonstration purposes only. Click the ad to see a bigger size.

Related Posts:
A Holistic Pre-departure Cross-Cultural Course for Indians Wanting to Study in USA
Characteristics of American Teachers Favored by International Students in USA

Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach specializing in helping Indians adjust to American culture. Learn more about her holistic pre-departure cross-cultural program helping you prepare for your studies, social and professional life in USA. If you’d like to know more about individual career preparation coaching, e-mail your questions to authenticjourneys@gmail.com. Thank you.

Why Do Americans Study in India?

2011-11-17T10:07:00.005+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Did you know that India ranks higher than countries like Greece, Chile, New Zealand, Brazil, Peru, Netherlands and Denmark when Americans choose where to study abroad?

According to this year’s Open Door Survey, measuring American Educational Exchange, India ranks #14 among countries that Americans choose to go to for study. There may be many reasons depending on individual choices. Here are some reasons I have collected from coachees, my personal experience and current trends:

Americans prefer India for culture, gender, language, religious or spiritual studies.
Americans are more exposed to Indian culture and business via the outsourcing/offshoring trends.
Americans are more exposed to Indians and Indian culture through the increasing number of Indians in USA and intercultural intermixing.
Americans are ready to experience something less traditional, ‘more challenging’ and different than the more ‘safer’ destinations.
More Indian universities have ‘twinning programs’ with US colleges promoting dual degree programs or short-term Indian exposure.
Some NRI children born in America (American citizens of Indian origin) study in India.
There are many more ‘short term’ programs to India; exposing students to India for a few weeks to a few months rather than year-long or degree programs. This is a safer option for college kids who want to experience India but don’t want to be in an unfamiliar culture ‘too long’.
Students may choose India because living expenses are often cheaper than other countries.
Certain subsets of Americans purely come out of fascination and curiosity for India.

Indians may be shocked that so many Americans chose India to study. Many Indians want to leave India to study. An American’s experience of study abroad is often very different than a typical Indian’s experience of studying abroad.

A Few Salient Characteristics of American Study Abroad Programs to India:

Most are short-term study abroad programs (few weeks to few months)
Many are non-degree or certificate earning programs
Some programs may be eligible for degree credit in US (some are extra-curricular)
Study Abroad programs are sponsored by US institutes (Americans pay for USA college credit while studying in India on these programs)
Most Americans studying in India do not actually take classes with Indian students or professors (do not learn about true Indian academic culture through daily classroom interaction and Indian grading standards).
Very few Americans enroll, matriculate and graduate from Indian institutes.

Americans coming to India on the whole take a different approach to cultural adjustment than many of the Indians coming to USA. Many more Americans coming to India attend some pre-departure cross-cultural training organized by their college to be sensitized to the culture before coming. Of course a typical American may be less exposed to India than a typical Indian to USA culture, but these pre-departure trainings help dispel myths, stereotypes and offer opportunities to learn about the day-to-day life situations happening in India. These sessions also do help with things like travel planning (travel within India is difficult, time consuming and confusing), daily interactions, introductions to Indian cuisine, dressing tips (especially for women), safety measures, and other salient topics.

Though a typical American would spend less time in India studying and living than a typical Indian in USA, it is good to see the number of Americans interested in learning about India in India itself rising. This will increase cross-cultural understanding between Indians and Americans. Indians in America can find more Americans having some tie to India and find common ground for conversation or even deep, meaningful friendships.

Feel free to share your experiences of studying in India below. If you’re an Indian, have you learned something interesting about your country you did not know from an American who has studied in India?

Thank you for reading.
Photo in this post: Author while studying a master's degree at Madras Christian College India (matriculated).

Related Posts:
Previous Pre-departure Training Programs Conducted by Author of this post
Choose your study abroad program to India (from USA)
Fewer Indian students in US, but more Americans here (in India)

Jennifer Kumar, author of this post, is a cross-cultural coach. Jennifer has organized and coordinated cross-cultural pre-departure preparatory seminars and classes for American students coming to India. Jennifer, who currently lives in South India, is available for consultation and pre-departure cross-cultural planning with you and your students via Skype, e-mail or phone. Contact her via e-mail at authenticjourneys@gmail.com. For other contact information, click here.

Study Abroad in USA or India - Ask and Share Experiences

2011-11-15T10:39:00.005+05:30

Do you:
Want to know about studying and living in USA as a foreign student?
Want to know about studying and living in India as an international student?
Want to share your experiences or talk about your programs?

Come to this page anytime this week and participate. Click here!

This week (November 14-18, 2011) is International Education Week. It's an initiative started by the U.S. Departments of State and U.S. Department of Education to promote international students coming to US and Americans to study abroad.

To celebrate this week, colleges across the USA and possibly the world host events to showcase international cultures at their colleges.

To celebrate this week, on my Facebook page, I am hosting an "Ask and Answer Event".

Thanks for your support of international education.

Jennifer Kumar, Cross Cultural Coach.

Logo used by permission.

Jennifer Kumar is a Cross-Cultural Coach consulting and coaching others in the process of working, living and studying abroad with a focus on India and USA. Contact her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com. More about her program "A Holistic Approach to Study Abroad in USA."

Special Challenges of Moving NRI Children to India

2011-11-14T20:28:00.007+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

Recently in interacting with NRI families considering a move back to India, the topic of children’s adjustment came up. Today, being Children’s Day (November 14), I thought to share a few challenges NRI children who move from USA to India face.

Language Problems
Families may get opportunities to move back to India to areas they never lived in before. This means that the local language may not be their mother tongue. Considering the social interaction of the children at the school, the main language while hanging out would be the local language even if it is an English medium school. Some parents may get ‘stars in their eyes’ hearing the catch phrase of international school. Just because it’s called an International School doesn’t mean its student population is international. Check with the administration to find out the demographics of the student population.

Manners Differ Between Cultures
Depending on how old your children are, if they have had any significant interaction (even as little as a few years in preschool, kindergarten or first grade) with American kids in the American style of discipline, they could very well likely get culture shock and make the conclusion that Indian kids ‘are rude’. In America, kids in many schools are socialized to cover their mouth while sneezing or coughing, say excuse me when they do so, bless others when they sneeze, say excuse me when moving through a crowd (instead of pushing through ), and were socialized with many other habits including eating habit differences. This may not be apparent to you as a parent because of not attending school day in and out with your child. Some NRI parents have commented ‘American kids are sensitive because they are taught to say ‘You hurt my feelings.’ when another student picks on them.’ Such commentary is rare in India if non-existent. Bullying is rampant for young kids and eve-teasing (Indian style sexual harassment) is an issue for older girls.

Dressing Style
Older kids may have more of an issue wearing school uniforms than younger kids, but kids of all ages in US raised by NRIs do enjoy showing their individuality through the clothes they wear to school. This is part of American culture. NRI parents may not realize it, but kids in US schools often judge each other based on what they wear or don’t wear and the kids themselves find a bit of self-esteem in being able to choose their style that is acceptable to their personal style while also being accepted by others. Of course, the thought is that a school uniform releases all those stressors. This is true if one grew up wearing these uniforms from day one of school. However, this will not be the case with your child. Suddenly going from having an identity in one’s clothes to not having an identity can be a big culture shock for some kids. (As well as going from uniforms to personal style can be for those Indian kids who move to US.)

Kids Can Get Hit by Teachers in Indian Schools
Upon asking an NRI first grader what she found different in Indian schools, I was told “They hit me here.” She looked down, sadly. I had no idea what to say. I thought this was banished. But, maybe it just depends on the school. Though NRI parents may have been raised in such a school and not questioned it, remember NRI kids have been socialized very differently in US schools. Most if not all areas in US ban teachers hitting kids for any reason. It’s illegal. So an NRI kid in US would not experience this. They would be shocked, sad, confused and even hurt.

NRI parents have adjusted to a particular lifestyle that has also given opportunities to themselves and their children that may not be widely available in all parts of India. Some of these things include lack of public libraries, organized kids activities (swimming lessons, etc), lack of day care facilities, different concepts of study time and school night, open and clean parks to play and picnic in among others. Moving back to India and living in India day in and day out, facing the real challenges of social life is completely different than a few month long vacations taken yearly or biyearly by NRI families to India. Keep these issues in mind, along with others that pertain to your family’s situation. These are real issues and cause real problems for parents. Even if parents get adjusted back to India, the children may not. Every child and parent is unique. Some family members may adjust, while others just cannot. It is imperative for NRI parents to thoroughly research schools and the social factors happening in the schools before moving back to India. This research could in fact, as it has with others, cancel plans for some NRI families to move back to India. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotional factors of moving back to India, but when it comes to family dynamics and cross-cultural adjustment, everyone matters; even and especially the children. Happy Children’s Day.

Photo credit: mynameisharsha @ flickr.

====article concluded====

Related Posts:
Questions Every To-Be America-Bound Desi Spouse Should Ponder
Ideas of things to do in U.S.A on a H4 or F2 Dependent Visa

Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach coaching and consulting with NRI families on the social aspects of moving back to India after years of living, studying, working and raising families abroad. If you’re interested to coach with Jennifer, click here to see her contact information or email her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com. Thank you.

Copyright © 2011, Jennifer Kumar. All Rights Reserved.
Permission to Reprint: This article may be reprinted, provided it appears in its entirety with the following attribution (link included): Reprinted by permission of Jennifer Kumar, Cross-Cultural Coach at Authentic Journeys. Click here for to see if you’re a good fit for cross-cultural coaching and to browse her blog.

Helping Me Identify Culture Shock

2011-11-09T18:12:00.004+05:30

Client Word-of-mouth Testimonial by White Bhabi (More Testimonials)

Excerpt from the post:

Jennifer posted a blog that really hit home with me and helped me realize some things I had not yet realized about my own struggles. …. Jennifer provides the best list I've read so far about things we can experience as part of our move. …. This particular post was quite powerful and I wrote her a rather lengthy response that may also be helpful to you guys.

Read the entire post by clicking on this link to the White Bhabi’s blog or the screen shot below.

Help With Living In India

2011-11-09T15:36:00.007+05:30

Client Word-of-Mouth Testimonial by Jennifer Tam (More Testimonials)

Jennifer wrote on her blog INDIA!

“I think hands down, this has been one of the hardest things I've done, both in terms of work and country. Before coming to India, I met a new friend, Jennifer, who is a cross cultural coach here in India and lives about 2 hours south of me. I met her online and we started emailing about a month or so before I left for India. I had the opportunity to meet her, her husband, and cousins on Sunday. They drove up to meet me and took me around town and to meet some of their family. It was a real treat and very comforting to know there is someone outside of my work I can share my experiences with. She's from the US and has a lot of experience living in India and being in Indian culture so she's been a real support for me before I left for India and while I've been here.”

Below is a screen shot of the blog post. To read it in full, click here.

Thanks a million, Jennifer. Getting to know you and your ability to do what you are doing really inspires me!!

Living in India: 3 Things That Help Me Feel More Settled

2011-11-08T19:59:00.003+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Some months ago, I wrote a few tips on how to feel more settled when moving abroad. I wrote that post from the heart. June marked four months into my stay in India, but no, I wasn’t settled. Am I settled now almost nine months into my stay? Have I taken my own advice? What was the result?

Well yes, I feel more settled. Do I feel completely settled and comfortable? Well, no, there is still time yet as I gather my foothold here and take more of my advice and my friend's advice and put it into practice. So, yes I have taken my own advice and it has helped me tremendously. So what are three things that make me feel more settled and comfortable now?

Getting work
Getting work means I am getting out and meeting new people. Previously, my client roster exclusively held online clients. This was fine in US because I still understood my surroundings and felt comfortable and settled there. Here, in India, its imperative for me to get out and interact in society and online clientele really doesn’t allow me that kind of experience (though I still do have online clients). I have held trainings, been invited as a visiting lecturer at a college, met clients for one on one coaching and English tutoring. I also will be starting some volunteer work hopefully soon through my villa complex and also another agency providing English classes to low-income kids in Kochi, Amaara.

Making Friends
Ok, in my neighborhood, I have some really good acquaintances but it will still take time to make true-blue friends. But, I am more comfortable interacting with neighbors and strangers. That this was so difficult was a surprise to me having had lived in India before and also having been in the NRI, Malayalee and Tamil communities in various cities in US for the past ten years. I guess so many other aspects of the move had been a culture shock to me, that it was natural this was too. But, now I can say I feel more at ease in everyday interactions- at least in English and very broken Malayalam. I cannot always respond in Malayalam but I can understand more than I think I can!!

Identifying Local Favorite Brands
This one shocked me. We take this for granted when we are settled long-term somewhere. When we go shopping, we get used to particular brands of foods, household cleaners, laundry detergents, soaps, toothpaste and much more. Unlike US stores which pretty much carry the same brands in every store, in Kochi, not all stores carry the same brands and availability is always a question. So, “stupid” little things like toothpaste or cereal or flour, which seem like they’d be the same anywhere are actually quite different abroad. So, I have been able to identify brands of things I like to use and recently found a store that carries all the brands. Ironically enough that store is a mini mart attached to a gas station! Since not many would think of shopping there, it also has the luxury of less crowd and relatively good stock. So, in case you’re wondering some brands that I have identified as ‘liking’ are: Soyfresh (soybean milk), Eastern spice mixes, Nestle everyday milk powder (we don’t like the milk packet milk), Lux (shower soap), Maavila (toothpaste with mango leaves), Meswak (another herbal toothpaste), Chik (shampoo with henna or hair darkeners), Tide (which I never used to use in US, the powder), Harpic (toilet cleaner), Lipton (ready to drink Ice Tea), Lizol (Indian Lysol liquid cleaners), and the now infamous Exo dish cleaning liquid (not the bar!).

Feeling settled is a different process for different people. Though it happens at different rates for different people, many major characteristics are similar (finding friends, places to shop, getting your bearings – directions, and many others). Things that we take for granted in our hometown or country trip us up abroad. The simplest things like dialing a phone number can become a challenge when we have to learn to do it abroad.

Feel free to share some of your experiences in feeling settled after moving abroad in the comments below. What were things you did that helped you feel settled faster? Which were the challenges?

Author of this post, Jennifer Kumar, has moved to live in India a second time. Coming from America, there are many things to learn to adjust to in India. Jennifer understands some of the adjustment issues faced by people moving abroad because of these experiences. Feel free to follow her on Facebook by clicking here. Contact her for more information on coaching by clicking here.

Indian Women... Want a Western Husband?

2011-11-08T17:29:00.006+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Toted as a website ready to cater to Western male’s fascination for “the world's most exotic and beautiful women. [Indian women] are known for their gracefulness, culture, humble attitudes, loyalty, and exotic beauty.” This unnamed site*, no doubt, took me by surprise. A little shocking; a little scandalous; and at the same time bought up a lot of questions in my mind.

Anyone would want to browse this site to see “What kind of Indian girl may want to marry a foreigner?” and then also a thought may come to mind (by an Indian more than a Westerner), “What parent would allow their girls to advertise on such sites? Isn’t it unsafe? Doesn’t it go against the culture? Aren’t there enough good Indian guys to go around?“ All kinds of questions and judgments can arise in one’s mind. So of course, I had some questions and curiosities, so I clicked through.

Showcasing women from various parts of India in their late teens to mid forties, never married to divorced women with children; the profiles are diverse and intriguing.

I’d like to share a few questions that pop into my mind having coached women and men in cross-cultural Indo-American (and Indo-Western) relationships over the years:

What draws an Indian woman to want to marry a foreigner?
Have they discussed this with their parents? What is the parent’s reaction?
Have they discussed this with their friends? What are their reactions?
How would a girl on this site pose a relationship to their family in India if it has been formed without their knowledge and taken to the ‘next level’?
Is it alluring to go abroad? (This must be answered honestly, because the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence!)
Are these women disappointed by Indian men? Why?
What stereotypes do these women harbor toward Indian men? (Are they mostly negative and why?)
Are these stereotypes based on experience with Indian men (dating or otherwise) and can they be worked out?
What stereotypes do these women harbor toward Western men? (Are they mostly positive and why?)
How have these stereotypes been formed? What real life face-to-face experience have these women had with Western men?
What has been considered when marrying cross-culturally and merging diverse cultures and mindsets?
How important is it that the to-be spouse would be familiar with Indian culture?
Would girls on this site consider marrying a Westerner who has never experienced India or other countries or cultures? Why or why not?
Do you believe love can conquer all?
Are you craving a cross-cultural experience with an exotic foreigner?
How much are you willing to discuss open and honestly about your expectations for married life? Do you have deal breakers? Have you considered this? (If not, start now!)
How important is your to-be’s family and cultural background to you?
How would you discern if a foreigner is really a good fit for you, your lifestyle, cultural practices, personality and long-term short and long term personal and professional goals?
How important is it that your parents and his parents understand each other?
How do you feel about not speaking your mother tongue with your spouse?
Does your family accept your personal happiness over the happiness and adjustability of the entire family (these are important cross-cultural questions)?
How would you adjust food-wise? What if your to-be doesn’t like Indian food? What if he liked Indian food during the romance and honeymoon stages, but didn’t later? Could you adjust, would you adjust? Would you embrace these and other cultural adjustments or resent them?
What if your husband did not want to participate in your cultural or religious celebrations?
Would your to-be allow you to travel to India to visit your parents or allow funds for their travel to stay with you?
What about traditions of child birth and raising? Would your to-be allow you to go to India before delivery or allow your parents to come stay with you during delivery?
Would your to-be spouse be happy with Indian baby names? Would you be happy with Western baby names?
Do you think it’s easy or easier to adjust to Western culture because ‘it’s not as complicated as Indian culture?’ (This is a myth by the way; all cultures have their subtleties and complexities!).
Would you feel weird if your to-be did not ‘behave Indian’ (for example what if he refused to brush his teeth before morning tea)? (Remember, you will have to live with this person day in and day out.)
Do you have experience living and adapting in other parts of India or abroad? What is your adaptability quotient? (This is more pronounced when marrying cross-culturally.)
If you’re a divorcee, do you think a Western man would be more accepting of previous relationships than an Indian man (no jealousy)? (This is usually a myth!)
If you have kids from a previous marriage, would they go abroad with you? When would they be able to visit their dad? This must be discussed with your to-be from the get-go!
How will kids adjust to having a new dad and living in a new country?
Can you or your children speak the local language (of the country abroad)?
Are you interested in marrying cross-culturally because you want a cross-cultural experience? Marrying cross-culturally is much more than a cross-cultural experience!
Do I have the skills to adapt to another culture?

This is just a sampling of questions that came to my mind. Myself being an American woman married to an Indian man and living in India, these plus many other questions were discussed before our marriage. These questions (and many others) are also deep and prominent ones that must be discussed before marriage and even negotiated throughout marriage.

Marrying is a big thing. Moving abroad and being married cross-culturally is also a bigger deal! Marriage is not all roses, but adding moving abroad and cross-cultural uncertainties and this is a recipe for ‘disaster’ without detailed premarital discussions. These discussions must be done maturely and not blinded by love. Take love out of the equation. Love may not get you through some of the practical challenges faced when moving, living and marrying abroad. Be practical and open-minded. Also, you will have to consider your visa status when you marry abroad. It will take time to get your visa, and secondly when you arrive your visa may or may not allow you to work initially. How will you spend your time? How will you adjust to the local surroundings and culture? How will you make friends? Things you were used to doing in India like shopping, general socializing with strangers, driving, walking on the roads, banking, getting foods you like, making phone calls, daily conversations and many other things you never expected will suddenly be completely different. It will be exciting to re-learn everything, but it will also be frustrating and you will most likely experience culture shock. Culture shock happens when there are so many new and different things to adapt to and it becomes overwhelming to process and adjust to. One gets shocked. It can be a physical, mental, emotional, psychiatric or spiritual reaction. Usually, it’s a combination of reactions all bundled into one. How would you know if you had culture shock and how would you manage that being around unfamiliar people and in a different culture that thinks and responds differently? Culture Shock will also affect how long it takes you to feel comfortable and settled abroad. You may even begin to ask yourself “Why can’t I enjoy life the same way after moving abroad?”

I am not trying to scare you. I am trying to share some practical things that you must think about. Parents will try to tell you all this to prevent you from all these issues. Parents may not be able to articulate all these things when they are in shock of hearing you say you will marry a foreigner. They are worried about you, but usually impatient to change your mind back to your culture’s status quo. That is where I can step in to help you and your to-be and your family sort out all these things. This is through an individualized coaching approach that helps you draw on your innate wisdom. Though we may not be able to help you prepare for everything you may face abroad, as that is impossible, we can focus on the most important things identified by you. So, before you put up your profile on such sites, consider coaching to clarify your life’s direction. If you think you will benefit from this, do contact me via email authenticjourneys@gmail.com. We can connect on Skype or via phone. I am here to help you. I care about you.

NOTE:
Few days after posting this, I received hate mail from the webmaster of that site. He -an American man- appears to be uninterested in reading my post and immediately assumed I was against his website. I am not against it, I am just offering another perspective on cross-cultural marriage. He was condemning American women and Indian men and said things I prefer not to repeat here. None the less, when putting your profile on such sites, beware of what is written here and also that such sites can actually be run by racist, sexist people. Do you really want your profile on such a site? Because of this, I leave up my review of 'such sites' but have removed the name and links to that particular site. Too bad the webmaster doesn't actually have a positive reason for initiating such initiatives.

Thanks for reading.

Related Posts:
(All links throughout this article point to relevant topics, here are a few more.)
Questions Every To-Be America-Bound Desi Spouse Should Ponder
Ideas of things to do in U.S.A on a H4 or F2 Dependent Visa

Should Diversity Trump Academic Quality?

2011-11-06T02:48:00.005+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

For the 2009/2010 academic year in United States, China was the leading sending country; having about 128,000 students in US. India followed in the number two position with 105,000. The astounding thing about this statistic is the percentage increase as this was a 30% increase for Chinese student enrollment, but only a 2% increase for Indian students. (source)

This increase in Chinese students is already showing effects in some colleges across USA. Here are a few salient changes I noted after reading the article The China Conundrum American colleges find the Chinese-student boom a tricky fit from the Chronicle of Higher Education:

Lack of Everyday, Practical English Usage
There is a test called Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) which international students must reach certain grades on before admission can take place. A majority of Chinese are masters at taking this test; but may not be able to practically apply the learning. This is especially important in terms of the TOEFL test. Many have mastered how to crack the exam, but can not understand everyday vocabulary or hold a conversation in English. In fact, when, in 1998, I met one such Chinese student. He identified this as a problem, and was trying to create a curriculum to help his fellow American-bound countryfolk.

Culture Differences
Chinese culture is different than American culture in many ways. Two ways that are notable are that class participation is generally non-existent which means students would not be prone to asking questions, discussing things in class, interrupting the teacher or creating ideas from their own understanding for homework, projects and tests. This means that in China students often write word for word what was given in lectures or textbooks. This is admirable in Chinese culture; unlike in US where this is considered an offense to individual learning. In America, this is also called as “plagiarizing” which can get students expelled from college.

Money is Flowing In
American colleges have been suffering since the economy took a downturn. With increasing tuition rates and the ability for Americans to find jobs after high school without much education as is needed abroad, getting international students in is a better bet. This becomes more apparent when these international students can actually afford the tuition without scholarships or financial aid. Regardless of the true academic and English ability of the students, though colleges admit it or not, they are running a business and without guaranteed money eventually that business will suffer. So, sometimes they weigh their options.

I am all for students getting a good opportunity in US and taking full advantage of that. For instance, if someone really can crack the TOEFL and then come to US and then complete learning English and gain fluency, that’s great. English is required to study in US. No ifs ands or buts about that. But, is this happening or not? Are the students learning to adapt to American culture linguistically and otherwise or is the college treating them like ‘customers’ and bending to their demands, therefore changing the dynamics socially and academically on campus?

In the article, a few salient points were raised:

Teachers are adjusting their lessons. Instead of more class interaction, there is less. Instead of letting students bring their books in the room, they are left outside. (This is a common practice in many Indian colleges. When I studied in India, we had to leave the books outside. Though what is written on the test is from the book, it’s best repeated straight from the brain.)
American students are dropping from classes that more Chinese students are in because ‘they are too quiet.’ (ie. No Class Interaction)
Chinese students drop classes without more Chinese to be in classes with more Chinese.

I have considered a few ways these few changes can affect the American college experience, ponder these points and share your reflections.

Of course in any situation the biggest group always becomes the scapegoat. This happens with Walmart, Microsoft or any big company. Now, the influx of Chinese students will make headlines for the same reason and get people thinking and talking. I am a proponent of internationalizing our colleges. If it wasn’t for meeting and interacting and befriending the international students I met while studying at the University of Buffalo; I would not have ever studied and earned my Master’s degree in India or decided to explore other cultures and ways of life. The international student interaction on campus was and is indispensible to my personal and professional growth. My argument is “Should the aspirations of the American dream be compromised by changing the very fabric of the culture that attracts people to study in USA in the first place?”

(Or maybe I have it wrong, and that’s not the reason at all?)

Sources:
The China Conundrum American colleges find the Chinese-student boom a tricky fit, By Tom Bartlett and Karin Fischer, The Chronicle of Higher Education, November 3, 2011
Open Doors 2010 International Students in the US, International Student Enrollments Rose Modestly in 2009/10, Led by Strong Increase in Students from China.

Related Posts:
An Indian Student’s First Day Studying in US (Culture Shock Experience) – by Brijesh Nair
Cross-Cultural Departure Course for Students to Come to USA
A Different Approach to English Language Learning (Video)

An Indian Style Hallowe’en

2011-10-31T20:51:00.003+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

When moving to another culture we find creative ways to celebrate the holidays that don’t exist abroad. Frankly, I am not really interested in Hallowe’en, but I thought of a creative way of celebrating it in India and at the same time sharing a bit about my culture with my Indian neighbors.

Hallowe’en is known in India, but not everywhere. I actually learned today that there are apartment complexes nearby where I live in Kochi, India that celebrate Hallowe’en American style. Kids dress up in costumes and go flat to flat and collect candy! I was a bit shocked to know about that. When will such things happen in US among Americans in relation to celebrating Indian holidays, I wonder?

I spent some time this afternoon filling small Hallowe’en envelopes with an assortment of candies we bought at the local grocery store (pictured to the right). Since kids would not be coming to my house to collect these assorted ‘chocolates’ (In South India any candy is known as a chocolate, even if has no chocolate in it!), I thought I’d go from house to house to deliver the candy myself. I thought of calling this ‘Reverse Hallowe’en’!

Around 6:15pm when sunsets in Kochi, I put all the sacks in the plastic pumpkin and started going door to door to hand out candies to the kids. I wasn’t dressed up. I went in casual wear and went house by house greeting them “Happy Hallowe’en,” explaining what Hallowe’en is and asking the kids to take a pack of candy. Some people were confused and wanted to take the whole pumpkin full of candy! So, in that case, I noted how there were many small packets inside the pumpkin and each kid could take one packet and leave other packets for other kids. Some others were surprised I had authentic decorations from US and asked me how I bought them here. When asked this, I had flashbacks of all my Indian friends in US and how they bring back authentic decors and thamboolam ornaments for Golu and Pongal.

Of the eight houses I visited, about four knew about Hallowe’en having had been to USA before and the other four houses learned something new from me. Most people invited me in, offered me tea and afternoon snacks and talked to me about Hallowe’en and asked me about how we celebrated Diwali as that fell on October 26, just a few days ago.

It was a nice experience to do something familiar in unfamiliar territory. Others were open to talking and asked me a lot of questions about Hallowe’en. It was also a good excuse to visit everyone and try to make small talk and get to know my neighbors. I had to go alone because Krishna (My husband) works between US and India time and was not home at dusk. Yes, I was a little nervous to go to the houses and talk to the people and I was worried if they’d be interested to know about Hallowe’en or trying to force my holidays on them. Many neighbors were happy to learn and said they were surprised and exclaimed “I celebrated all holidays” because they saw me bursting crackers on Diwali and they knew about my Golu for Navarathri as they had visited our house and saw the Golu. I think because I was open to learning about Indian holidays and celebrated them myself, they were more open to learning about my culture. It was a nice exchange. I have some nice neighbors!

I’d like to know your experiences. When you lived away from home among few of your country people, how did you celebrate your culture’s holidays? Did you try to include your ‘foreign’ neighbors? How did you do this? What did you learn about yourself, your culture and the host culture in the process?

“India Was One” – Book Review

2011-10-31T14:27:00.009+05:30

By: Jennifer Kumar

Can love really conquer all? Can love bring together diverse cultures that seem at times to mingle only out of necessity but at other times be forcefully territorial about their differences and claims of originality?

India is a diverse country and one of its mottos is ‘Unity in Diversity.’ This clichéd theme can bring together all Indians or drive them apart along linguistic, regional, cultural, geographic, religious, caste, sect, and countless other borders.

This complex theme coupled with the search for a single Indian identity is a theme I pick up from the book “India Was One” by the anonymous writer known only as “an Indian.”

The story narrates the theme through the two main characters Jai and Kahani who meet in college, fall in love, marry and like many other Indians in their socio-economic and educational bracket, end up moving off to America. Jai being from South India and Kahani being from North India represent the quintessential bringing together of the cultures of North India and South India.

For those who want to understand some of the background and mindset of the diversity of India; this book will fill in many gaps. Throughout most of the book, these gaps appear not to be filled in by the characters dialogue, thought process or external scene narration but by a third party akin to a tour guide. For someone new to the Indian context, this kind of narration can be helpful to understand some of the dichotomies, intricacies and everydayness of India.

Capturing the characters emotions and approaches to life felt more natural to me as a reader once Jai and Kahani began their journey from India to US. Moving between cultures and countries always conjures up emotions and takes people out of their comfort zone. This was well highlighted in the characters once their global journeys began. Probably the most memorable character from my point of view would be Mr. Shah, Jai’s employee who helped them settle down their first few days in US. Mr. Shah was akin to Jai and Kahani’s “cross-cultural coach” once they landed in US; taking them around, orienting them to subtle details of American ways. This character was able to offer the accounts of lifestyle and culture through the word of mouth of a character; which made it more interesting and natural to the development of the story.

After some of the ‘dream life’ in US; completing some Desi tourism and making an American friend, is when Jai and Kahani learn of India’s north south divide and rush back to India to be with their family. The climax and ending of the story will keep any reader hooked through the chaos, emotion and drama that ensues. All that begins so fast without any warning, also ends in pretty much the same fashion. The reader is left in a state of mixed emotions wondering if the conflict really has been resolved or not?

The author’s post script and reflections offer the readers a lot to think about in regards to India, Indian identity and the struggle to pass an Indian identity onto the generations into the future that over the generations will lose touch with India and it’s rich, diverse, complex and beautiful culture.

==end of book review==

Related Links:
"India Was One" Official Website
India Interactive Map

Other book reviews by Jennifer:
Expat Women
How to Score a Date With Your Potential Employer (NRImatters.com)
We're From India (Children's Book Review - NRImatters.com)

Tips for NRIs in USA and Abroad: Career and Cultural Coping Tips

2011-10-28T17:38:00.010+05:30

by: Jennifer Kumar

Here are articles I have submitted to NRImatters.com a leading website for issues concerning Indians abroad for the months of September and October 2011.

One of the most asked questions amongst Desis while and after moving is "Are you settled yet?" Here's my take on answering that question.

When learning a new language, accent or slangs, many cling to the old ways of talking as part of their identity and wonder...."Will I Lose My Language Identity and Culture?"

In landing a job, one needs to know how to impress and woo an employer. Read more about this in my book review on Yolanda M. Owen's book How to Score a Date with Your Potential Employer.

When others you know are applying for jobs, they may ask you for a reference letter. If you're wondering how to write a reference letter to enhance someone else's job search, here are some useful tips.

The day-to-day practical things about adjusting to a new culture can be the toughest to make habitual. Even Americans struggle with the 'spring ahead' and 'fall back' time schedule. Read more about Day Light Savings Time and it's practical implications.

When adjusting into a new culture, we wonder if we will fit in. I look at this subject beyond the labels. In rectifying where we fit in and molding ourselves to new environments, we can use these cross cultural skills in our daily lives in many ways. I share a few ways to use cross-cultural skills in day to day life.

I hope you find these posts interesting and informative.

Find my profile on NRI Matters here.

Follow NRI Matters on their Facebook page.

My Teacher Gave Me The Wrong Grade, What Can I Do?

2011-10-27T19:06:00.003+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

In USA it is possible to contest grades given to you by your teacher.

It occurred to me that requesting a teacher to reconsider a grade can be and is a cultural thing. In how many countries or cultures would the idea of contesting the teacher’s ability to teach and grade be ‘acceptable’? Or, even a thought to cross a student’s mind?

To say contesting of grades is common in USA is a fallacy. This must be done with careful consideration. I can remember only a few examples from my own life where contesting a grade was done.

The first example is not my own, but a classmate from high school. This high school senior wanted every mark so he could get into a prestigious college in US. He had already aced the SAT and ACT and now was saving every grade and chasing every point so he’d be close to 100 out of 100 or the perfect 4.0 average. Though in my high school we changed classrooms for each class, it just so happens the only class we shared together was the one in which he felt wrongly graded. This grade was not a gross injustice for most people. It was not a lack of 20 or 30 points but a ‘mere’ one point. This one point, he argued would make or break his scholarship to the college of his dreams. But, of course the teacher had a valid stand on the grade she had given him. This matter became a big headache for the student who involved his parents, the other teachers in the department and finally and most notably the principal and superintendant of the school. I knew a drama ensued. The whole student body knew about it. But only few knew the final outcome. I don’t know if he got the lost one mark, but he did get admitted into the prestigious intuition with a full scholarship.

The second example comes from my personal experience. When I was studying at SUNY Buffalo, I took a class in Asian Media Studies. In this class, we had to write a lot of essay exams. Though we only had three or four questions per exam, the main goal was to write the essays in a succinct way capturing all the points from lectures and text books and other references each student studied on his or her own (not provided through the class). I usually cited about four to seven sources, but rather than memorize and regurgitate, I would re-write all these sources in my own words and understanding, quoting whenever necessary. This style of test taking was common among all students, and so the teacher had to spend many hours reading every essay exam to capture all the finer points. Every student’s answers would be different. So, there was one particular exam I felt I was wrongly graded. I had a good relationship with the professor and decided to schedule an office hour appointment with him. Because it was an essay exam, he asked me to come to the appointment with the test paper in question and no other materials. He gave me an oral exam on the spot- or better known in India as a viva voce. After asking me the essay question from multiple perspectives and feeling confident I understood the material, he was able to adjust my grade. I appreciate this teacher for his open minded attitude and his belief in my ability to ‘make the grade’ with him.

So, if you are an international student in USA and you feel you have been wrongly graded, there is something you can do to rectify this.

Of course, not all cases will end in an adjusted grade, but can offer insight into your teacher’s methodologies, teaching approach and even what he or she is truly expecting to see from you as a student in the grading process. It will truly be a cross-cultural experience.

Do heavily consider approaching teachers twice, thrice or more before actually doing it and don’t make it a habit. We have a saying in USA; no one wants to ‘become the boy who cried wolf.’ If you are always crying there is a problem (wolf) and it turns out there is no problem, when there really is a problem, no one will believe it. So do take caution and precautions about it. Find out the typical process a student would take in your college by looking through the academic policy of your department or talk to your advisor or international student advisor.

To get more helpful and specific tips on rectifying wrong grades in American colleges, read “What if my student disagrees with a course grade?” written on the College Parents of America website.

Related Posts:
Helping you prepare for your studies in USA

Tips for Expats Relocating to Dubai

2011-10-24T09:55:00.002+05:30

Contributed by Move One Inc.

'Tis that time of season when freshly relocated expatriates have more or less settled into the surroundings and situation of their newly chosen home countries. Let's be honest – even in some of the biggest expat hubs such as Shanghai, or Moscow, and even after some time spent acclimatizing, foreigners are still quite easy to spot.

Therefore, to help first timers adjust to their new lives in our countries of operations, Move One's relocation specialists have produced a list of very useful tips for a different location every week.

Things newbie expats in Dubai need to know:

Daily Culture

Workers will always call you sir/madam and will always respond to anything you say with "yes sir/madam". This does not always mean they have understood your request
Be conservative and respectful in the way you dress. Save your beach wear for the beach and not the shopping mall
Work days are Sunday to Thursday
Heat exhaustion is common – make sure you drink plenty of water

Food / Eating Habits

Have breakfast/lunch at the Sheik Mohammed Center of Cultural understanding. A local Emirati will answer all your questions about the culture in Dubai
Friday brunch is a popular family meal offered at most hotels throughout Dubai
Tips are now included in all hotel/tourist restaurants. Always check your bill to make sure you are not tipping twice
You can only buy pork products in special areas of a few shops. Including, Spinney's and Waitrose at Marina Mall

Religious Sensitivity

Friday is a religious day
Pray times are approximately at (depending on the sun) 4.45am, 12.25pm, 3.40pm, 6.25pm, 8.20pm, so do not be alarmed if you hear whaling/singing at these times. This is how the Muslims are called to prayer
The government blocks websites deemed as offensive to the religious, moral and cultural values of the UAE

Picture Taking

Never aim a camera at an Arab woman. Even if you are not taking a picture of her, she may be offended
Workers on public beaches try to take photographs of children. They do not mean to offend just ask them not to do it and they will move on

Alcohol

Alcohol is only served in restaurants within hotels or select sports clubs
Alcohol for your homes can only be purchased with a license.
Not only do you have to get your boss's approval to obtain a liquor license, but you must also get the company's approval to rent property, have a telephone, or get satellite TV

Tying up the loose Ends

Bring lots of passport photographs of all members of the family. It saves time trying to find a shop when you have so many other things to do
Familiarize yourself with the local A&E. There are many hospitals in Dubai, so it is good to know which one can help you in an emergency
There is no door to door postal system. Your will need to arrange a PO Box
Not all residential areas have a great internet connection

Driving

Parking fines and speeding tickets are sent immediately by sms or fax to the registered owner of the car
Cars overtake on the left and right
Roads can be structured interestingly, so be prepared that you might have to drive ten minutes out of the way to make a U-turn.
You can only pay for fuel with cash, no credit cards

Entertainment Visit Expat Echo Dubai and buy a Timeout magazine to learn what is happening in the city Buy an Entertainer guide – save money in restaurants and on entertainment

Find more detailed, additional information on expatriate living in UAE under Move One's UAE relocation country profile.

Founded in 1992, Move One Inc. is a multiple award winning integrated assignment and moving management company, providing seamless international relocation, removal and logistics services across the globe. Headquartered in Dubai, UAE, Move One Inc. offers its international clientele cutting edge relocation and logistics solutions.

Last 4 Guest Blogs on Authentic Journeys
Safety in India for Foreigners and Expats
Culture Shock - Is it Possible to Be Prepared for Everything?
3 Tips to Understanding the Russians
4 Ways to Handle Culture Shock

Around the Block or Around the World- Be True to You

2011-10-19T16:17:00.005+05:30

By Jennifer Kumar

“Around the block or around the world – be true to you” – this is the motto of my coaching. But, what does it mean exactly?

When we move to a new place- no matter how near or far- we will have to make adjustments to our lifestyle. Moving to another country is an extreme adjustment, but it can feel just as extreme to move from a small town to a nearby city in the same country; in the same state when the cultures and lifestyles of the two places are very different. How can we balance our identity when moving to a new place? How can we remain true to ourselves as the unique, special individuals we are?

Surface Similarities
You could ask yourself (instead of paying a cross-cultural coach big bucks to do the same) “What did I used to do enjoy doing in my old place and can I do it here?” You could adjust those answers accordingly to your new living situation and try to live accordingly. When moving abroad; depending on the country this can become and often is the biggest challenge to finding comfort in a new culture. But, this is a problem even when moving within the same country and state depending on how different the two areas are.

Some questions that arise in this process:
How much of my identity is tied up in what I do and how I do it?
Because I can’t do this [thing I used to do] anymore am I still the same person?
If I have to do this [new thing] now, am I still the same person or different?

Deeper Similarities
In this process, we ask ourselves who we are as person in the core- our core values and beliefs about the world.

What kind of person am I when no one is looking?
What kind of person do I want to be remembered as?
What are my core qualities?
Is it possible to remain true to those when moving around the block or around the world?

How much do my inner values dictate my behavior?
How will the behavior remain the same or different when I move abroad?
How much do my surface similarities gel with or conflict with my behavior and values?

The answers to these questions are deep and take time to explore. The key is when exploring surface similarities not to get too tied up in things that aren’t possible to change. In moving to another place, it’s natural our lifestyle will change based on the local circumstances. Don’t dwell too much on the loss – acknowledge it, grieve it, and move on. Spending too much time focusing on what we don’t have or can’t do will cause more homesickness, regret for moving and deeper culture shock. Relying on doing things the way they were done in the old place is not practical or realistic; especially when the place one is moving from and moving to are very, very different on the surface and below the surface (mindset, etc.)

Thank you for reading.

Author , Jennifer Kumar is a cross-cultural coach at Authentic Journeys. E-mail her at authenticjourneys@gmail.com.

Do not reprint this article without permission.

Related Posts:
Adapting in America, Feeling Indian at Heart
Are you settled yet?
Social, Physical, and Emotional Symptoms of Culture Shock